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I had to go to Target to pick up numerous prescriptions on Friday and decided to pick up a birthday card for a friend of mine.
During my last post, I talked about how I'd been struggling with depression and was planning on getting help to get healthy.
The other day as I sat watching the episode of Rizzoli and Isles where they memorialized Lee Thompson Young, I realized how devastating and far-reaching suicide really is. Now once you have downloaded the app you just have to install it in your husband’s phone and this app will do everything for you. And don't get me wrong, David Giuntoli has that whole smoldering, tortured hot guy thing down. But trying to find a mental health professional to walk you through it is a challenge in and of itself. Although, Angie Harmon's character was speaking about the fictitious Detective Frost, it was painfully obvious that she was really talking about Lee. I come from a family of tall men (my dad and younger brothers are 6'3", 6'5" and 6'8" respectively.) So I like a tall man. I feel as if there was a 3rd language thrown in there somewhere but can't immediately recall. Even when it gets dark and painful and kick you in the teeth unbearable, there's always one more day.

I also like a man who dresses well and I feel like every time I see Sasha (may I call you Sasha?) be it on the show or at some event, the man is dressed impeccably well. Whatever the case, this man could be reading his grocery list in Russian and it would still sound sexy. I couldn't believe that not only did I feel bad physically, but I had no one to come and just take care of me. But once you do, you have to be dedicated to finding the right person to help see you through the storm. And though I was initially very much against it, I'm also taking medication to help find and stay in the balance. I pray that I will continue to make progress and NEVER go back to the place where the darkness almost won. I'm sure he has to have his suits tailored or if he's like the boy bestie, he has to have the suits made specifically for his frame. I was also crying because I realized that I'd been waiting on my life to start and I'd wasted so much time. But finding a husband (or being found by one or however you word the scenario) is not promised. I'm telling you, washing puke out of your hair on the day you should be eating cake will make you have a life epiphany. Nothing says, "Happy Birthday to me!!" like having to clean up your own vomit on your born day.

And I just don't have the time to wait around for a permanent travel buddy that I can also have sex with. But as one of my friends, who by the way, is one of the most wise, kind, Christian sisters I've ever had the fortune of knowing and who has also struggled with depression said, "Who gives a f*ck if you have to be on medication forever?" (Yeah man, sometimes depression makes even the most godly people drop f-bombs.) At this point I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get healthy and stay healthy.
If you're in a dark place or, heaven forbid, thinking of self harming, PLEASE PLEASE know that you're not alone.
So if you're going to do it, you most definitely needed to make sure you're doing it with the right person.
So as I scrubbed vomit off of the hardwood floor (I learned it settles in the cracks of the floor if you don't clean it fast enough) it all just kind of hit me that I'd been waiting for the perfect scenarios to live the life I wanted. I sat in bed, logged onto my healthcare provider's website and began looking for a mental health professional. I mean, this man is educated, speaks multiple languages and is probably an all around decent guy.
I was quite literally almost moved to physical violence toward her because she was THAT AWFUL. And this from someone whose job it is to walk people through the darkest times of their lives!!!

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Category: Getting Back With My Ex

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