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Sometimes, when we don’t feel heard, we can end up yelling at, criticizing, demanding, ignoring and withdrawing from the person we love. For example, your spouse is yelling at you, saying how inconsiderate it was of you to forget to buy the milk from the store.
This technique of connecting with people’s needs when they may come packed together with anger or frustration is not easy. If you want some support to jump start your relationship and finally feel heard, consider contacting us for couples therapy.
Denver Counselor specializing in Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Pre-Marital Counseling, and Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues. What a frustrating and discouraging feeling that is—especially when it happens with your partner whom you love.

Unsurprisingly, only after truly connecting to your partner’s feelings and unmet needs, and really letting your partner know that you “get it,” can you expect to be listened to. Marshall Rosenberg, an expert in Nonviolent Communication, talks about this shocking concept in his clip from the documentary film BEYOND BELIEF.
In couples counseling, we work to slow things down, validate that anger or frustration, but also uncover the need for reassurance and comfort that we all have as human beings. I’m always amazed with myself and with clients how many different feelings can be happening inside at once. While providing Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I teach couples how to share and listen so they feel heard.  We practice slowing things down, listening, and tuning in to each other. However, I would encourage you to experiment with this concept a few times and journal about how that changed the situation and whether or not your partner started listening to YOU.

Marshall explains that his recipe for creating peace is listening and connecting with what people feel and need, instead of what they think. In order to create peace in this situation, you need to connect with your spouse’s feelings (most likely of disappointment and hurt) and needs (most likely around needing reassurance that they are your top priority and special to you).
If that is the case, you must feel so scared to think that I might not care about you and us.

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