We did our own research into the lexical world of VAGINA, and this produced some interesting results. The fact that Republicans are trying to legislate something they are unwilling to even say adds extra layers of hilarity to VAGINAgate. In a world conspicuously devoid of adverts for wiener cleaner, it’s a bit disconcerting to see ‘Woo hoo for my froo froo!’ posted on the side of telephone boxes throughout the country. Such terms are perhaps just about acceptable when you have a little girl with a tricycle injury and don’t want her uttering the C-bomb. The problem with euphemising the term ‘VAGINA’ is that it takes serious discussion of them off to the menu. Of course, the implication that you can’t really love your VAGINA unless you use a certain product is deeply impertinent.
Until they finally realised that it annihilated everything good inside your flange, douching that made you smell detergent-like was an incredibly popular activity, promoted mostly by VAGINA-haters in the US. In light of this, it’s of utmost importance that you learn to call your VAGINA what it is, and furthermore, accept it in its natural state. Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and Holly Baxter are co-founders and editors of online magazine, The Vagenda. Labour have a strong shortlist for the Tooting by-election: with two doctors in the shape of Rosena Allin-Khan and Mike McLoughlin and one candidate who has already gone through the wringer of a by-election – albeit one in which Labour never hoped to do anything other than avoid embarrassment – in Naushabah Khan.
Party organisers are particularly excited by the two doctors.  Two of the constituency’s largest employers are hospitals - St George’s, which is inside the constituency’s boundaries, and St Thomas’s, which is ouside it.
Labour’s Allin-Khan is widely tipped as the favourite, though the selection is harder to call as it is the first in which new members who joined during the Labour leadership election are eligible to vote in an internal contest. Whoever Labour’s candidate is, they will face established opposition with a growing personal vote of his own in the shape of the Conservatives’ Dan Watkins, the candidate at the last general election who has been working the seat hard in anticipation of a by-election.
What’s impossible to quantify and could decide the by-election is the impact of individual electoral registration (IER) – the longterm effect of which will be to accelerate the trends making Tooting bluer. The poet John Keats once wrote an ode to a Grecian urn and its painted figures frozen in time.
I got my first inkling of Fianoa€™s potential at a dinner party in New York back in the 1990s. One such family was that of Clelia Romana, who founded the Colli di Lapio winery up in the mountain district of Avellino.
If you havena€™t tried Fiano before, start with the Fiano di Avellino DOCG, coming from the grapea€™s birthplace. Maffini made his name with KrA tos, a pure Fiano from three vineyards around his familya€™s original property.
Ita€™s no accident that the Riesling reference keeps popping up, this being the exemplar of age-worthy whites. Therea€™s also weightier stuff coming from experiments with extended skin contacta€”normally a technique for making reds, not whites.
Perhaps because our VAGINAS, especially those of our American sisters are, much like Stalingrad, increasingly under siege (Stalingrad is another euphemism for VAGINA). The feminist backlash to the suggestion of transvaginal probes involved women inundating Senator Ryan McDoogle’s Facebook page with detailed information about their lady bits. From the Inga Muscio classic Cunt: A Declaration of Independence to Dr Catherine Blackledge’s The Story of V, to Caitlin Moran’s How to Be a Woman, women have been trying to wrestle their vaginas out of male hands and away from male terms which don’t belong to us for ages now. Half the population carry them around in their pants without freaking out, yet if VAGINAS were supposed to complement the saccharine, flower-gathering view of everyday women by smelling like a lavender patch, they would. VAGINAS are a wonderful arrangement of flaps capable of the most magnificent things, just as God, in Her infinite wisdom, intended. Doctors are also among the biggest drivers of the area’s gentrification, which has been causing the party growing headaches in Tooting, a once rock-solid safe Labour seat that now has a majority of just over 3,000, around 2,000 of which may be down to Sadiq Khan’s personal popularity, according to local estimates, although people differ as to whether this following could be replicated by another candidate from a Pakistani background. Labour also believe that the bulk of the 2027 votes that George Galloway got in the Merton and Wandsworth GLA constituency  were from Tooting, and at their expense. But the mood around both parties has been changed by the party’s unexpected win in Merton and Wandsworth, an Assembly seat that neither Labour nor the Tories expected Labour to win. In the short term, however, while IER will reduce the number of eligible Labour voters in the seat, it has also cut into the number of new arrivals, who are more sympathetic to the Conservative party, who are eligible to vote. I myself would rather ponder a kylix drinking vessel, preferably one decorated with pretty vine tendrils and a party-hearty Bacchus.


The grape varieties that Pliny the Elder described and Julius Caesar drank are alive and well in Campaniaa€”or Campania felix, Latin for a€?fertile countryside.a€? Blessed with an agriculturally ideal climate, what was once the breadbasket and playground of ancient Rome today boasts over 100 grape varieties, many brought by Greek settlers.
The big three are Greco di Tufo, Fiano di Avellino, and Falanghina, which most people learn about in one fell swoop.
Tagging along with my friend Nina, I found myself at a wine collectora€™s table in a loft overlooking City Hall.
Pliny noted how bees (api) favored the wine made from vitus apianae, particularly when its natural sweetness was enhanced by partially drying the grapes. Mastroberardino and Feudi di San Gregorio are the largest producers and the easiest to find. Maffini and De Conciliis are both boutique wineries (100,000 bottles) run by energetic men in their forties, whose families previously made wine in a small way. In a quest for quality, these winemakers are now experimenting with site, soil, and cellar techniques. This basic Fiano, fermented and held for six months in stainless steel, is delicious and laser-precise, with mango, kiwi, pineapple, and a refreshing acidity. But Maffini is showering extra TLC on his new Pietraincatenata cru, giving it partial fermentation in oak, then six to eight months of aging and batonage in new barrique. This estate is known for a powerful Aglianico called Naima (and for its devotion to jazz; a€?Naimaa€? was a John Coltrane ballad). Antece (a€?ancientsa€? in dialect) macerates for 10 days on the skin and spends six months on the lees, or spent yeast.
State representative Lisa Brown hilariously offended some Republicans last week when she had the temerity to utter the word during a ridiculously euphemistic debate about female contraception and abortion. The fact that ‘VAGINA’ is back with a vengeance can only be good in the face of patronising advertising such as the below, from a well-known feminine hygiene brand that we don’t care to publicise here.
Celebrating because you got the right product to make your natural VAGINA less disgusting: not exactly the passive aggressive message we relish. The potential for hilarity (pastrami curtains, anyone?) has been eschewed in favour of prudishness. How on earth are we supposed to retain possession of them if we can’t even call them what they are?
Lisa Brown being banned from saying "vagina", it's no wonder America were at the forefront (pun intended) of fanny denial. Once you do that, you’ll realise that anyone who says otherwise is most likely a DOUCHEBAG.
Both it and Tooting have increasing numbers of voters who are, in the words Suzanne Evans used to describe why Ukip had done so badly in London, “educated, cultured and young”.
But really, why stare at an old pot to dream about the past when you can experience it here and now?
It was they who founded Naples in 600 BC and colonized the coast down past Vesuvius, which Roman emperors and epicures later gentrified with sprawling summer villas, whose airy porticoes extended out to sea. Other than the DOCG status of Fiano di Avellino, wine educators present them as equal in stature, like the prongs of Nepturea€™s trident. I dona€™t remember much about that dinner except for this: I tasted my very first Fiano di Avellino there.
That blight was followed by the devastation of World War II, which left Campania felix smoldering.
Scientists are fairly sure Plinya€™s apianis was named after its place of origin: Appia in Plinya€™s time, today called Lapio, located near Avellino. Being closer to the sea, the microclimate is warmer, so this Fiano tends to be rounder and more opulent while retaining its lovely minerality. Luigi Maffinia€™s grandfather was a buffalo farmer (for mozzarella), while the DeConciliis family raised chickens. But in 2002, Luigi bought land near the Greek temples of Paestum, and thata€™s whata€™s got him jazzed these days. The cru Perella (a play on per Ella, or a€?for Ellaa€? Fitzgerald) has a lighter dose: three days of skin contact.
We encountered two Italian exchange students who told us that the standard slang term for down there in Italy is ‘potato’ - a visual we’re finding it slightly difficult to get our heads around. They suggest a variety of terms, ranging from ‘mini’ to ‘twinkle’ to ‘hoo ha’, before uttering the immortal tagline ‘whatever you call it, make sure you love it.’ VOM.


The whole ‘froo froo’ shebang has led to an internet-wide speculation on how you should refer to your lady parts - with equally cutesy results. Fundamentalist Christians are no better, as the online post ’51 Christian Friendly Terms For VAGINA’, which jokingly suggests such legends as ‘sin bucket’, ‘devil sponge’ and ‘neighbour of anus’, goes to show.
Which is why it is of utmost importance that, if you can bring yourself to do it, you stop referring to your ‘la-la’ and start using the proper anatomical terminology. Pussy polishers that claim to say woo woo to your frou frou are just the natural extension of douching, which should have died a death before we even knew they did more harm than good. Ita€™s true they all possess a certain sea-breezy character, offering intriguing minerality and acidic high notes that are as zippy as a spritz of Meyer lemon, making them ideal companions to the cornucopia of seafood found on the coast.
During post-war recovery, the government encouraged farmers to plant prolific workhorse grapes like Malvasia and Trebbiano.
Later they found a market in the Italian immigrants who sailed to Argentina and America and pined for a taste of home. Whether fiano is a corruption of apianis and his vitus apianae is our Fiano is still a matter of debate.
Both had vineyards, but Maffinia€™s father planted his a€?for fun,a€? while the DeConciliis parents made some vino sfuso for local trattorias and pizzerias, then sold the remaining grapes.
The limestone-rich parcel, called Pietraincatenata or chained stone, is wedged high on a rocky slope facing the sea.
Both come from their oldest Fiano vineyard (which increases concentration) located on a cooler eastern slope (increasing acidity). A schoolgirl, meanwhile, insisted that her mother referred to it as her ‘fairy’, which is just begging for years of psychoanalysis later in life when she realises that at the same age, she believed that a fairy took her teeth in exchange for money. The same happened to Texas Governor Rick Perry, who since deleting the posts became the lucky recipient of oodles of hand-knitted and crocheted VAGINAS. We wouldn’t go so far as to suggest that you inundate the Facebook page of that ‘feminine hygiene product’ (read: vagina perfume) with ‘VULVA’ posts, but here’s the link and a labelled diagram of the general area. Post-war, when other farmers were ripping out native vines, Mastroberardino stood steadfast. On the day of our visit, Bruno De Conciliis poured a 2011 Fiano called Donnaluna that had 24 hours of carbonic maceration. The Perella is partially aged in acacia wood, adding roundness, but without the tannins of French oak. Shout it from your office cubicle, your freelancer’s Starbucks table, your library cubby hole (also a euphemism for VAGINA).
Finally - the mystery of where those milk teeth disappear to is solved (and with it, the origins of the possibly mythological disease ‘VAGINA dentata'). Then there was the viral video, ‘Republicans, Get in my VAGINA.’ VAGINAS are back, and they mean business. He built a new house there too, transplanting his familya€”a display of confidence, if there ever was one. So in fact, one shouldna€™t sell Fiano immediately.a€? But because of market demands and limited cellar space, her Fiano goes out the door eight months after harvest. But it didna€™t really sink in until I spent time with local winemakers and saw that for them, therea€™s no question: Fiano is king.
Being one of the largest producers around, Antonio Mastroberardino encouraged the best of his grape suppliers to start bottling under their own name. The 2012 Donnaluna returned to being a textbook Fiano, with a wonderful salinity on the finish. As the wine opened, lemon curd and white jasmine came through, followed by toasted hazelnut on the finish. It was full-bodied and creamy, yet maintained a bright acidity that preserved its freshness.



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