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Comparing, gossiping about others, putting others first, even excessive Facebook or Instagram stalking are all signs of low-self esteem. It’s one thing to set goals and try to be at the top of your game, but are you hurting yourself in the quest to be the best?
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For a bunch of years, you’re in a certain life your parents chose for you, and so are other people, and none of you have that much on your plates, so friendships inevitably form. Once student life ends, the people in your life start to shake themselves into more distinct tiers.
At the top of your life mountain, in the green zone, you have your Tier 1 friends—those who feel like brothers and sisters. Towards the bottom of the mountain in the orange zone, you have your Tier 3 friends—your Not Really friends. And depending on who you are and how things shook out in those first 25 years, the way your particular mountain looks will vary.
As time goes on, most of us tend to have fewer friends in Quadrants 2-4, because A) people mature, and B) people have more self-respect and higher standards for what they’ll deal with as they get older. Possibility #2 is a pretty dark situation for your friend, but it can actually be fun for you. What these all have in common is the friend has tall walls up, at least toward you, and so she builds a little skit for you two to hang out in to make sure any authentic connection can be avoided. You might be on either side of this—and either way it’s one of the least healthy parts of your life. If you’re on the if only side of things, probably the right move is to get your fucking shit together? You’re not especially pleased with who they are, and they feel the same way about you.
Throughout childhood and much of young adulthood, most people your age are in the same life stage as you are. You and the Frenemy usually go way back, have a very deep friendship, and the trouble probably started a long time ago. A little less dark but no less harmful is a bully situation where a friend sees some weakness or vulnerability in you and she enjoys prodding you there either for sadistic reasons or to prop herself up. Whatever the reason, if you have a Frenemy in your life, kick her toxic ass off your mountain, or at least kick her down the mountain—just get her off of Tier 1. This is a rare Tier 3 friend, or even an acquaintance, who qualifies as an odd friendship, because you found a way to make it unhealthy even though you’re not actually friends. There are some obvious ways to assess the nature of a friendship’s power dynamic—does one person cut in and interrupt the other person while they’re talking far more than the other way around?
In the Does This Friendship Make Sense graph above, the friendships we just discussed are all in Quandrants 2, 3, or 4—i.e. No friendship is perfect, but those in Quadrant 1 are doing what friendships are supposed to do—they’re making the lives of both parties better.
But in the case of most people over 25—at least in New York—I think A) not enough time is carved out as dedicated friend time, and B) the time that is carved out is spread too thin, and too evenly, among the Tier 1 and Tier 2 friendships in all four quadrants.
1) Think about your friendships, figure out which ones aren’t in Quadrant 1, and demote them down the mountain. This is a natural selection process since spare time becomes a limiting factor and you are driven by other forces. The other reason is, life becomes very complicated when animals are running the show and producing fog.
The easy answer is, of course, to find another pack, but any animal can attest to how hard that truly is. Seems to me that these topics are typically designed to be very thought-provoking, which can appeal to anyone, but can really take off in the minds of people who are more introvert-ish. Another thing I am finding in my 40s is that age groups have changed from when I was a kid. What I discovered was that when I gave my time and attention to people who didn’t seem [X] enough to be a good friend, there was often something worthwhile that I could have missed if I was focused on how imperfect our interactions were.
In the last two years I’ve added maybe 3-4 friends to tier 1 and a couple of handful of others to tier 2 and 3.
A: We believe that curtains and blinds can make for the biggest change in a room next to paint.
Q: I have a great room with 11′ ceilings, do you think I should hang curtains and blinds all the way up to the ceiling in there? Q: I have three windows along one wall of my living room with about a foot of wall in between each one.
A: We’d totally vote for cheating the curtains over a bit for the appearance of a more balanced window. Q: I have some really nice inside mount white wood blinds already in our master bedroom, do you think I can keep those and still hang curtains high and wide and not hang bamboo blinds or will it look crazy to have a rod riding so high above the window without blinds to hide the wall above the window? A: With a dog and countless home improvement projects going on at all times, it’s safe to say that white curtains can be just as easy to maintain as any other color (our living room ones even survived a nearby kitchen remodel).
That being said, we do have those cheap-o white inside-mount roller shades in the bedrooms to block the light at night. Q: Generally what color rod do you guys suggest for panels… like a white rod with white panels and black with black or mix it up or brushed metal…or?? A: We usually like oil-rubbed bronze or black rods best for our home (they feel classic without drawing a lot of attention to themselves), but chrome rods can look amazing and become more of a modern touch in contemporary rooms (especially with grommeted curtains). A: I’d use the blinds and the curtains on both the windows and the sliding glass door for instant cohesion and balance. Q: What would you guys suggest for windows that have vertical blinds that can’t be removed (we rent)? A: When it comes to your curtain debacle, I’d generally steer clear of solid black curtain panels (since they can seem pretty heavy and dark) but something with a pattern that includes some black to tie them into your furnishings would be great (we love these from Ikea with white, black and green stripes).
Q: I know you guys are crazy about using white curtains for that light and airy look, but can bright saturated curtains work too?
And this is the same space after some paint and a few new accessories (including the vibrant green curtains that really make the space). The best part is that if you still want privacy (or are a renter) you can keep your vertical blinds pulled to the side and tucked behind one of the curtain panels to hide them when they’re not in use. Update – Wanna know where we got something in our house or what paint colors we used? I thought your readers might like to know that Amazon has great prices on Top Blinds’ bamboo blinds–and free shipping! I think curtains and blinds in general can really add value to your house because they draw the eye up and add height and softness and can allow maximum light in if they’re hung high and wide, etc… so I think there are cheaper ways to complement your windows instead of pricey custom plantation shutters.
Betsy- Nope don’t know of any pics off the top of my head by Candace Olson takes this approach on Divine Design a lot so you can try checking out that show.
Abbey- Ending the curtains right above the baseboards will look like highwaters so definitely go for the around-the-bottom-of-the-window hem instead. Whitney- I think mimicking the bay window shown above will be flawless (they’ll look great in any room- not just a kitchen). Denise, we would switch out your lighting above the sink for something with more bulbs so you can get more light in there. Susan, we would definitely suggest creating the look of one long rod across the entire wall and softening the windows and the door with curtains.
Kori, you can just skip the blinds and go for curtains on either side or hang them higher as you suggested so they don’t interfere with the door. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. If you can identify the characteristics of low self-esteem, the next step is to change the way you think about yourself and how you handle things in your life. In order to post comments, please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled, and reload the page. We have funny videos, exclusive interviews, and hot new entertainment release clips and trailers.
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But here’s the thing—a list is a great format for an article, and a format I was using on my old blog almost 10 years ago. These are the people closest to you, those you call first when something important happens, those you love even when they suck, who make speeches at your wedding, whose best and worst sides you know through and through, and whose relationship with you is eternal—even if you go months or years without hanging out, nothing has changed when you find yourself together again. You might grab a one-on-one drink with one of them when you move to their city, but then it surprises neither of you when five years pass and drink #2 is still yet to happen. When you hear that something bad happens to one of these people, you pretend to be sad but you don’t actually care. As time goes on, you start to realize that the 20-year frenzy of not-especially-thought-through haphazard friend-making you just did was the critical process of you making most of your lifelong friends. Possibility #1 isn’t fun at all and this person should not be allowed space on Tier 1.
I have a friend who I’ve hung out with one-on-one about four times in the last year, and he has no idea Wait But Why exists. This type of person hates earnest people because someone being earnest dares him to come out from under his ironic safety blanket and let the sun touch his face, and no fucking thanks.
Sometimes that person only does this out of her own social anxiety and can become a great, authentic friend if you can just stomp through the ice. You enjoy it so much you probably even lead them on intentionally, don’t you—you make sure to keep just enough ambiguity in the situation that their bleeding heart continues to lather your ego from head to toe at your whim. But when it comes to advancing into full adulthood, people do so at widely varying paces, which leads to certain friends suddenly having totally different existences from one another. Like when Person A starts to become a person who rejects material wealth, partially because she genuinely feels that pursuing an artistic path matters more and partially because she needs a defense mechanism against feeling envious of richer people, and Person B’s path makes her scoff at people who pursue creative paths, partially because she genuinely thinks expressing yourself is an inherently narcissistic venture and partially because she needs a defense mechanism against feeling regretful that she never pursued her creative dreams—these two will have problems.
Of course, this is a hideous quality in many not-great couples, but it’s also a prominent feature of plenty of friendships. Is one person’s opinion or preference just kind of understood to carry more weight than the other’s? And when a friendship is both in Quadrant 1 of the graph and on Tier 1 of your mountain—that friendship is a rock in your life.
Your rock friendships don’t warrant 2x the time you give to your other friends—they warrant 5 or 10x. Once you have a better idea of why you might be in the situation you’re in, then taking steps of appropriate size outside your comfort zone seems like the general direction to go. For this reason one have to concentrate on the stuff which really counts and this is the deep friendship to your better half. I think the real way to go is to pinpoint those in your pack that are truly healthy Tier-1 friendships and keep them in Tier-1 while at the same time work to change the rest of them from unhealthy Tier-1’s to healthy Tier-2’s.
I feel the same about my own relationships and this is by far the post I’ve related to least on WBW. Those of us who easily get lost in our thoughts and reflections tend to have more difficulty, due to inexperience from allocating less personal time to it, with initiating and maintaining social interactions. The fact that the style of the posts are long and delve deeply into subjects when compared to something popular like Buzzfeed definitely attracts people who spend a lot of time in their heads like you said. The amount of time we spend thinking about things ends up becoming a double-edged sword, since we can have difficulty turning it off and just living in the moment. I am no longer in my 20s or 30s but back then, my life mountain was very resembleful of the example up top. As a six year old, I had fully expected to be at the death’s door by my mid 40s, but now, being middle aged feels unexpectedly lively and I find myself doing fun things I had been too intimidated to try in my 20s and 30s.
It’s given me a hilariously insightful reality check on where I stand and how I might improve myself as a friend. They’re hugely important for a major makeover, and can add height, drama, breezy ambiance, softness, and even a punch of color to any space- and we definitely encourage everyone to give them a spin! Then hanging a curtain rod at the same level as the blinds, but extending the rod about 18″ wider than the window on both sides creates the look of a much wider window and allows the curtain panels to hang in front of the wall instead of encroaching on the window and blocking lots of much-needed light. Here are our ultimate favorites hanging on our living room window above (Ikea Vivan panels that are oh so cheap and classic- plus they come in two different lengths and have no-sew iron-on hem tape for easy installation that looks crisp and custom).
In fact, in our very own living room (pictured above) those are actually just two super cheap bamboo blinds snagged at Walmart and hung right next to each other (thanks to the textured bamboo material, no one’s the wiser). Should I do three small curtain rods to hang curtains in between and on the ends of them, or should I find one long 10′ curtain rod? It will look seamless and less visually broken up… and it might even create the look of one big window instead of three smaller ones next to each other. Almost everyone cheats their curtains at least 6″ above their windows these days, just because hanging the rod right at the top of the window can look oddly invasive and heavy… it needs a little air to breathe! We like to wash our Ikea curtains before we hang them so they’re pre-shrunk (in case we need to launder them to refresh them once a season, we don’t have to worry that they’ll shrink up and look like highwaters).
We’re lucky that they each overlook the backyard (so privacy isn’t an issue), but we like the look of shades, blinds, or even frosted window film or spray.
The great thing is that they tuck right under our higher-mounted roman shades so no one’s the wiser that they even exist when they’re up. The Ikea curtains are great because they come with iron-on hem tape (no sewing, just fold the curtains where you wish they’d stop and iron the hem tape onto the bottom for an instant no-sew hem). White rods can definitely work in certain situations but we find that thin white metal rods can feel a bit too dainty (you want your rods to be understated but not to look too flimsy for the long floor-length curtains they’re supporting).
I’d also go out of my way to hang curtains at the same level (cheat one set higher so they look more symmetrical and balanced).
Also, in a room that has contemporary black furniture, would you suggest white panels or black panels on those windows?
You can also choose to tie your curtains in with the wall color for an expansive and layered look or even with the upholstery on your sofa (say it’s tan, a cream curtain would complement that beautifully without feeling matchy-matchy). About a million curtain related queries and some lovely eye candy to demonstrate the power of curtains and blinds. I have not one single curtain hanging right now because I didn’t know how to tackle my windows because everything in my den and spare bedroom have plantation shutters, but I love the addition of the wispy white with the black rods that can add softness to the room. But that being said they’re always lovely accents that you’ll enjoy for years to come (and they certainly can’t hurt when it comes to selling) so it’s really your call! I don’t have a picture to show you, but removing the finials on the ends of the rods that meet should do the trick. I would actually just play around with things (maybe purchase bamboo blinds and curtains and rods and save the receipts and see what works in such a tight space).
To prove his point, he took a series of portraits, using the same model's facial expression and the same lighting - but each time changing the lens.
That's why something like a 'fisheye' lens (15mm) distorts objects dramatically.But Mr Eastwood's experiment showed that the distortion continued up the focal range, albeit more subtly. You may find that being alone with yourself is uncomfortable, that you feel anxious or uneasy with other people, or that your mind is filled with negative self-talk.
The truth is when one is content with themselves, they have healthy self-esteem; external validation is simply an additive, not a necessity to their lives. A Debby Downer is someone who always looks at life pessimistically; nothing is ever good enough. This will lead to more positive self-talk and experiences that can radically boost your self-esteem into a positive and beautiful place. There's also our own video series like How To Deal with Meg Haston with expert advice for teens, Do It, Gurl with craft ideas, do it yourself projects, and easy how tos for teen girls, and Sexy Times With Gurl that offers relationship help and sex ed videos for teen girls. We're basically like your sex ed class but with way more information, honesty, help, and first hand advice.
We also have free online games for teen girls and design a dress, design a boy, and other fashion games. In fact, my first listicle, 19 Things I Don’t Understand, was published in August of 2005, a year before Buzzfeed was even founded.
Unfortunately, depending on how things went down in your youth, Tier 1 can also contain your worst enemies, the people who can ruin your day with one subtle jab that only they could word so brilliantly hurtfully, the people you feel a burning resentment for, or jealousy of, or competition with. Your relationship tends to exist mostly as part of a bigger group or through the occasional Facebook like, and it doesn’t even really stress you out when you hear that one of them made $5 million last year. We’ll get to the great, Quadrant 1 friendships later in the post, but in order to treat those relationships properly, we need to take a thorough look at the odd ones first. The green part of the mountain is sacred territory, and super self-absorbed people shouldn’t be permitted to set foot up there.
This leaves both of them petrified of the lumbering elephant that appears in the room anytime they’re alone together.
Other times, the person is just hopelessly scared and closed off and there’s no hope and you have to get out.

This friendship is one long, continuous rejection of you as a human being, and you’re just wallowing there in your yearning like a sobbing little seal. Some people have become Future 52-year-olds, while others are super into being Previous 21-year-olds. In theory, once this happens, you can go back to just hanging out, shooting the shit, and actually being in the friendship.
You could try to find similarities with one or two of the people in your groups of friends so that you can more easily establish a closer relationship, or you could seek out other groups based on your personal interests to attempt to make connections. I’m wondering if it’s a common personality trait in the WBW community to find the development of a friendship contrived and requiring effort? Sure, we’re perfectly capable of doing it, but due to being introverts, we eventually will need to escape in order to recharge, which leaves us open to extended retrospective speculation.
Nowadays I am more of a Walled-off-Wallie but also, I have another type of friend – an occasional acquaintance or a complete stranger I will have an out of the blue heart to heart with.
As a consequence, I’ve found myself interacting with people much younger than myself who then treat me as if I am their age. When in doubt, go high and wide- it’ll make your ceilings feel taller, your room feel brighter, and your windows look HUGE!
Beyond checking your local Walmart for a bunch of cheap bamboo blinds in many sizes, you can also try Target, Bed Bath & Beyond and even JC Penney for similar options.
We know that JC Penney sells curtain rods and extender pieces that can stretch those rods far beyond 12′ which should solve your problem on the double. We actually cheated the heck out of our living room window and even the bedroom window with long floor length curtains (since they’re both not centered) and it adds a lot more balance and symmetry to each room.
Then it’s just about tossing them in the wash a few times a year to keep them looking bright.
There are lots of options for the bathroom, so as long as you don’t go with floor length curtains you’ll be a-ok. Anything from an interior mounted hidden roller shade to some pull-up 2″ blinds are perfect to use for privacy (since you can pull them up and “hide them” behind your bamboo blinds or roman shades when they’re not in use). But even though they’re easy to hem, it’s even easier to just hang those 98″ panels above your transom (wash them before you hang ‘em to pre-shrink them to make sure they don’t look too short for your perfectly mounted rod!). There are tons of gorgeous options out there though (our den ones, pictured below, are from Target), so it’s really just a matter of personal preference! And when it comes to you vertical blinds, drawing them to one side and hiding them behind your curtain panels will make them virtually invisible (but they can still be used by pulling them back out when you need them). I have been having so much trouble with my bay window, the problem is I don’t have it in my kitchen I have it in my living room.
Unfortunately, there is a soffit immediately above the door frame, so we can’t put a rod above it.
But sadly, the builder who constructed my ten-year-old ranch home had no design for windows in the Master BA.
You might want to just go for bamboo blinds mounted to the molding and leave the curtains for another space since they’ll be under a soffit anyway. A person with healthy self-esteem spends the bulk of their time doing things that promote positive vibes for themselves and others. If you try to do everything perfectly and fail (which is bound to happen), frustration and negative self-talk occur. Going out of your way to constantly be there for someone else, builds up resentment and is a constant reminder to yourself that you are not number one.
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And if you're looking for freebies, giveaways, and sweepstakes, you've come to the right place. Then, over the last few years, I watched in horror as one of my favorite formats decided to prostitute itself all over the internet as the default format for lazy articles. If you live in the same city, you might see them every month or two for dinner and have a great time when you do, but if one of you moves, you might not speak for the next year or two. They’re way too on top of shit to ever end up in the car alone together if a group is going somewhere in multiple cars, but there are smaller dangers afoot—like being the first two to arrive at a restaurant or being in a group of three when the third member goes to the bathroom.
The only comfortable mode for this person is bonding with you by building a little pedestal for you both to stand on while you criticize everyone else. Plus, duh, if you gather your self-respect and move on with your life, it’ll raise their perception of your value and they might actually become interested in you. At some point, things will start to meld together again, but being 30-ish is the friendship equivalent of a kid going through an awkward pubescent stage.
The problem is, when you don’t make enough time for good friends, seeing them only for a meal and not that often—you end up spending each get-together catching up, and you never actually get to just enjoy the friendship or get far past the surface. Eventually, you’ll have to go out on a limb and open up (and be genuine) to someone if you want there to be the possibility of a healthy friendship. A lot of moms even tell us that white is their favorite upholstery color since it can be bleached or oxycleaned and always looks crisp and fresh. Sometimes the best idea is to peruse a shelter magazine or the internet for a bathroom you love and see how they addressed the windows and follow their lead.
Using the IKEA panels as an example, would you use the 98 inch length and just hang slightly above the transom with an inch or so to spare? Similarly, horizontal blinds can be pulled all the way up and obscured behind bamboo blinds or roman shades when they’re not in use.
It’s a big focal point since it’s the first thing you see when you walk in the house!
The previous owners mounted the vertical blinds directly to the molding around the sliding doors. Mr Eastwood said this could sometimes make the ears look further back - or make the nose look bigger - with tragic consequenses.Experts say a 135mm lens would produce the best, most consistently accurate results.
One must put their health and mental health first in order to be the best they can be for everyone else in their lives. A Debby Downer has a general negative outlook and this pessimism creates low-self esteem and feelings of unhappiness. You can either play along and everything will go smoothly, even though you’ll both despise yourselves and each other the whole time, or you can commit the ultimate sin and have the integrity to disagree with the friend or defend a non-present party the friend criticizes.
That’s the Perpetual Catch-Up Trap, and I find myself falling into it with way too many of the rocks in my life. Keep in mind that people are different and you just gotta keep trying until there is mutual interest while also being prepared for the possibility of it not working out, or worse, the other person trying to take advantage of you in some way. As introverts, however, there are plenty of amazing things that we can accomplish using our talents for contemplation, that, in my opinion, can more than make up it.
BUT I live in a touristy ski town (though I unusually have a full-time, career-enhancing job) so there’s new people coming and going all the time and with my family and closest historical friends overseas, I need to be open to new friendships.
Or would you get the 118 inch length and hang higher and just let the material pool at the bottom? Our TV is also on the opposite side so when people are walking by they can see everything, so privacy at night is a must. But even then there's an element of risk.If nothing else, you can now give your friends a decent excuse as to why you always look bad in holiday snaps. They have enough self-regard to keep these thoughts to themselves or to change them into positive, loving comments.
You’ll catch your new love cheating on you and murder them both in an act of incredible passion. Historical friends are still around but as they live far away it’s easy to avoid them. And it doesn’t matter, because none of it will be discussed with The Non-Question-Asking Friend, who never, ever, ever asks you anything about your life. Also, not having a Facebook helps a lot in general quality of life stakes, and especially as a deterrent to making certain people my personal celebrities (shudder).
Now that I no longer feel the pressure of social panic all the time, I find that there is hardly anyone out there I have anything in common with or feel genuinely interested in.

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