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You don’t know when to shut up – There comes a point where making your point becomes harmful.
You tell everybody your damn business – Your friends are your support system, but they are a gift and a curse. You refuse to accept that you’ll need to make some changes in your life – “I’m not going to change for anybody” is always the extreme of not knowing what, “How can I be better?” really means.
You expect others to put up with your problems – “You should accept me flaws and all” is only half true. You’re inconsistent – You say you know what you want, you say you know what you don’t want, but you allow the two to mix sometimes.
You’re too judgmental – Your perfect ten is probably not the person you envision them to be when you jot it down on paper.
You want what you deserve, but don’t want to earn it – Everybody thinks they deserve the world. Your past becomes baggage instead of lessons learned – Everything that happens in our life, happens for a reason.
You digest entirely too much trash instead of daily bread – Whether it is too much reality TV or trash on the radio, learn to balance when you digest. You make poor investments – We’re all guilty of investing our time and effort into things we know won’t bring us any closer to happiness. I swear to you, this list started out with five points, then it was seven, and then it was ten.
For instance, my most recent ex wanted me to stay in a relationship with him while he decided whether or not he was okay with being a step-parent.
My last relationship involved someone wanting me to wait for them to decide if he ever wanted to have kids.
I think I can be patient when we agree on what needs work and we're willing and able to do the work at that time. I would argue that you are 30+ and your looks doesn’t inspire men to overlook your flaws compared to when you were 20-something.
But you are a divorcee, I don’t think less of you, I can see how women who fall into your category would have problems. Actually, considering what this response could have said, I'm not mad at all, LOL, smh. All of these apply to me, and I will review this to make sure that this list doesn’t apply to me.
LISTEN, I had to learn that I had to keep my business about my relationship to myself only because of #8.
I can appreciate insight as much as anyone, but in reality we all need to work on certain aspects of our lives. I will love to share my testimony with all viwers because i never thought i would have another chance with my boyfriend, the man i wanted to marry left me for another woman, and when i called him, he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook account and then set the status to having a girlfriend with the other chick. There are times when your sentence could end and be just as powerful, but is ruined because of a motor mouth. They can be there for you when you’re hurt, but they can also pacify you when you need to teethe.
You can’t profess that you’re ready to settle down at one point and then shout “YOLO!” at the next.
It will make you quit a relationship because you feel slighted at a certain point, rather than doubling down and making it work. At times, we acknowledge that something happened, but don’t understand the reasons and lessons we can learn.

We say that “I’ll land on my feet,” “There’s plenty to choose from,” or we tout off how many degrees or how much wealth we have as reasons why we don’t have to make changes. I am queen of the second guessing, worrying, whatever else you call it, and (I’m a work in progress).
You don't have to have it all together in ALL areas of life per se, but you damn well need to be CERTAIN about me.
Most times when they experience rough patches, people walk away, they don't double down on it to make it work. I think I view the situation as idle when one partner is either unwilling to work, incapable of doing the work, or if you don't agree on what actually needs work.
People internalize their issues instead of expressing them to their partners and end up blowing things out of proportion and working through their issues. Relationships take a lot of work and especially when you have been together for awhile it gets easier and easier to do less of it to keep things running smoothly.
And unfortunately too many of us are stuck in our own ways and are unwilling to look within to make the necessary adjustments to foster personal growth. We are at a place now where we kinda get self-righteous when we have some aspects together and condemn those who don't have as much together from our perspective.
People will tell you, “When you fall off a horse, you have to get back on.” That’s provided you haven’t concluded that you don’t even want to be on that damn horse. It may be personality traits, or they have only heavily relied on their looks and haven’t focused on their entire being to become completely whole. You’re knocking down potential and people who may meet your 80%, just because you find minor flaws. We hold onto things because we think that if we let them go it’s like we’re saying it’s okay.
When you start concerning yourself with how you look to others instead of how you feel on the inside, you lose.
You can’t possibly know all the characters on each reality show, but can’t tell me one great book (heck, author of an article) that was written in the last year you’ve read.
We also put time and effort into investments that haven’t yielded any results in some time – learn to walk away and stop making those in the future. Or, we make mistakes because we know there aren’t consequences, or don’t believe there are consequences. When I began to transform a few points scribbled down on paper into an actual post and talk to friends about the points, it expanded to fifteen.
Have you ever had to make changes in your own life to ensure the success of future relationships? Nope not willing to catch the short end of the stick, you at minimum have to be sure about me.
Why should I wait for someone to realize that I am the best thing that ever happened to them?
You just have to be careful not to walk away from a situation that if you had exhibited patience would have been great.
For one to really mature and learn from relationship lessons, one must actively look within and analyze the ongoings and short comings in order to become a better version of themselves going forward. Sometimes SBM writing is tailored to younger college kids as you mature you see life and relationships through a different prism. It means you have to have a positive network that is beautiful, instead of looking like a war zone of love.
Don’t allow yourself to be enabled, always challenge yourself to do good despite of whether you’re held accountable for it or not.

I also realize that this list is not exhaustive – there are several other points that could be made. I think the first step is to tell ourselves that we have a flaw or an opportunity for improvement. Lastly, what’s it like dealing with people who are resistant to change in their relationships? I've questioned whether or not pride, #10, is what really prevents me from really taking my time, easing in, and letting things grow to where they need to be.
Only to find someone else and have to start the process all over gain, getting to know the ins and outs of another being that may be worse than what you had.
This should be applied to life in general, but in terms of relationships, this is a good start.
This one hit the nail on the head and gave much needed advice to older and younger readers. As far as the future, I wont be arrogant to try to predict it, but I will say that from my past experiences with love, my spirit will know.
A few other things about this list; 1) The reason why I started each point with “you” is because when we’re single that’s who we should focus on, not the other people, 2) This list is unisex, it wasn’t for women or men, and 3) You may suffer from one or you may suffer from all. I'm even willing to support you in your climb in other areas but you need to be CERTAIN about me and what comes with me first, daggonit! Patience, pride, and lack of communication skills kills even our potential relationships nowadays. Others think they’re stinky, stupid, wild and really not all that important to their lives.
Absolutely, but only to the extent that it doesn’t become a burden on the person you’re dating. When meeting people you have to find the similarities between you too and respect the differences.
I think another reason is that couples don't act as a team, you know, stay on the same page. Remember it's not fair to demand (acceptance, patience, etc) when you're not able to reciprocate!
There’s many ways to view relationships; the key is that we’ve all got to find ourselves in self-examination when relationships fail or don’t work out.
Regardless, I don’t think there’s anything on this list that we can accept as a personal character trait and move on, that’s literally why our relationships continue to fail. However, there are times that regardless of who’s fault, it’s time to examine why it isn’t working out.
Since he is in jersey and im in nyc, i decided i would go in person to have my spells cast. He called a spirit to talk with me and do the work, it was a woman spirit and when it came it totally transformed hector’s face.
But the next day (there was like 2 days left from it being 2 weeks) my ex called and we got together. He asked me if i would be willing to try our relationship again, which of course i said yes.

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