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Online dating sites, once holding the stigma of being a bastion for pervs and desperate fugly folk, have now entered the mainstream. Honestly I was expecting more for this story to make the cover of People Magazine or show up in TV headlines.
Or that Clay Aiken is so gay he has the power to turn straight men into ad hoc homos, like Chris Kattan’s Mango character on SNL.
For a second just ignore the creepy, perversely voyeuristic overtones of the lyrics and think: Is Clay foreshadowing something here? Sometimes though, the infomercials offer some good, campy fun and I have to give credit where it’s due. The Pos-T-Vac is touted as a non-surgical, non-medicinal treatment for erectile dysfunction. Basically, you stick your wang in a clear plastic tube and by way of suction, blood starts flowing to your man parts.
I imagine my cave-dwelling Cro-Magnon doppelganger; we’ll call him Dug (‘cuz that’s how my name reads in cave paintings). The boar still has not seen him, so Dug raises his spear, obsidian tip glinting in the sun. He scales his way to the top of the fissure, noticing a pretty flower growing out of a crack. Now in case anyone does not know, an education in, well, education, does not exactly qualify someone to create a drug or “dietary supplement” (aka: bullshit drug) as it is referred to on the box.
With an ingredient list that reads like a multivitamin, Airborne should have been obvious as a scam. Unfortunately, this does not change the fact that Airborne is on track to bring in around $1 Billion in revenue this year. I guess my other source of inspiration is my jealousy over the copious amounts of money made by Airborne. I picked up a Men’s Fitness today and read through the same regurgitated crap they print every month, sucking in my gut the entire time. Chaz, our West Highland terrier mix, has a white mustache that is alway cockeyed making him look like an albino cross between Wario and Salvador Dali.
Beau, our Yorkie, is mustachioed like Pancho Villa and has an under bite of Sling Blade-like proportions. Despite the strangeness of these things, they are what we love about our dogs, what set them apart. These tough guy movies, or ‘dude-flicks’ as I call them, are often frowned upon for their violence and general stupidity. I also learned that if you want to be taken seriously, you shouldn’t say much, but if you do say something, it should be either profound, or a primitive grunt.
Preperation H – Meet Harry Hanger and the rest of his red-headed family of ornery hemorrhoids. Pro-activ – Say hello to Poppy Whitehead, the curmudgeonly blind zit that lives under the skin of your pockmarked chin. Kasterborous produces five or more pieces of original content daily (over 100 every month). Money raised through advertising on this site is reinvested into hosting costs, competition prizes, review materials and occasional gifts for our contributors.
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What if there was a way to influence potential online daters to perceive you and your Plenty of Fish profile as more attractive?
Luckily there are a number of dating gurus who have been testing this concept on a number of social media and online dating websites. A prop picture is a picture with you either doing something really interesting or in an interesting place. For example, if you’ve ever been on vacation or traveled to an interesting place, lets say Paris, then putting up a picture of you standing in front of the Eiffel tower is going to help convey desirable qualities about you. We’ve all seen sales pages or commercials with testimonials from various people about how great a product is.
Another form of social proof which I’ve talked about in the past is the number of Favorites that is listed at the bottom of your profile. In online dating, there is such as absence of real information, social proof or proof by association or demonstration carries significant weight.
When I clicked the link I was expecting that the article would offer tips on how to acquire the means to portray social proof value- not simply tell us that it would help. I love some of the girls that show there bodies and I wish that would come to my place because I live alone here and Im looking for a woman like that to be in my bedroom so PLEASE give me a couple of those girls email addresses, PLEASE Im very lonely because Im all by myself OK.
I cruise the singles sites, looking for easy targets to make fun of or ogling women well out of my league.
I think even People magazine, which is featuring him on the cover this week, knew it was pretty obvious for a storyline. Often they sneak up on me when I’m rocked back in a barcalounger in some sort of late night trance, one hand on my crotch, the other on a tepid beer.
I’ve sat through so many Real Estate infomercials that I could open a school tomorrow, scamming insomniacs across the country into buying no-money-down investment strategy programs.
Watching testimonials from male septuagenarians cured of erectile dysfunction by some ancient herbal remedy from Malaysia or some new fangled device ranks up there among the best.
Through research I found that hearing aids, most prescription drugs, and eye examinations, however, are not covered.
With each sniffle and wipe from my aloe infused Kleenex I feel the life force slowly draining from my body. Dug is a hunter, not a gatherer, basically because he has a penis so spears make more sense to him.

The saber-tooth pounces on the boar, sinking its scimitar teeth into the swine’s neck, snapping vertebrae and severing arteries. Dug obscures himself in a shadow and watches in horror as the tiger enters one of the adjoining fissures. It’s not the simple degrading experience of having a botanical money-shot popped up your nose, it’s the fact that we even have to deal with allergies after all this time. That “miracle cold buster” Airborne has finally been proven a fraud and taken to task with a class action lawsuit that has resulted in a $23.3M settlement. Two guys, slamming back fizzing cups of Airborne like Alka-Seltzer after a heavy night of drinking, then running in and out of a 10 degree meat locker with nothing on but a wife-beater saying to each other, “You feel sick yet?” “Um, no. That said, I am officially making my foray into the miracle “dietary supplement” category with my new product, the Magic Bullet ™.
It’s just a depressing rag to read, especially when you are compelled to eat junk food faster than our dog Maggie gobbles the cat shit in our neighbors yard. Actually makes me think about what it must have been like with her and Stallone in the bedroom. The result of this is that when she falls asleep her breathing sounds like a liposuction pump slurping its way through John Goodman‘s fat ass. But Will, she’s been dead for 2 years, and that’s the shit I remember: wonderful stuff you know? People I know, my close friends included, sounded about as enthusiastic for the release of the new Rambo film as they would about having a colonoscopy, if that colonoscopy were performed with a twelve-inch bowie knife! The scripts from these dude-flick movies offer superb templates for getting started on this philosophy of communication.
Pop goes the cork on a bottle of Pinot Gris and you fill your glass a third of the way, swirl, and sip. Our writers are volunteers, offering their services to give you interesting Doctor Who articles and features. Social proof is essentially a phenomenon that occurs when the consensus of others has an influence on the thoughts of a person. Let’s take a look at some of these concepts and see how they can be applied to your Plenty of Fish dating profile.
The point to using prop pictures in your online dating profile is to help convey higher value or status. Now this might be a problem for some people because they don’t know anyone who would write a testimony for them. Favorites are essentially like a bookmark for people who find your profile attractive or interesting. One thing you come to notice if you spend much time on these sites is the variety of online dating photos potential daters have selected for display and I have to say, if I were taking this whole Internet dating thing seriously, I would have some serious qualms with some of the profile pictures that daters have chosen.
On the technical side, I now have the knowledge to fully automate a kitchen with salad shooters, blenders, mixers, slicers, dicers, rotisseries, penny chopping knives, fat melting grills, and loaf launching bread makers. Pollen floats about brazenly in puffs of dust and even giant cotton balls that take flight from our cottonwood trees. Dug spins his head and crouches, a sudden spike of adrenalin causes sweat to instantly bead at his temples. Dug panics and runs for a rocky outcropping to his right that is riddled with fissures and holes, and he dives into one of the cracks and wriggles his way through a series of openings.
Hundreds of thousands of years to weed out this ridiculous over reaction of the immune system and now we’re stuck with shitty drugs that don’t really work, unless you count the fact that they at least prevent you from gouging out your itchy, watery eyes or cutting off your nose to spite your evolved, flat foreheaded face. Turns out you can’t make those kind of claims without accurate and extensive clinical data. From the first moment I saw this product I have been extremely skeptical that a cure for the common cold had been found.
Those credentials make it obvious that Airborne is no more likely to prevent you from catching a cold than that packet Spanish Fly next to the cash register at your local 7-11 is likely to make your dick hard. I am awestruck by the audacity of dietary supplement companies’ claims and their innate ability to take advantage of gullible consumers, always on the search for miracle cures. He’ll do his hump routine three to four times before you can get a leash on him for the poop run. In the climax of Commando, Schwarzenegger kills over 150 bad guys in order to get his kidnapped daughter back.
Collectively they have become my surrogate fathers and I have suckled their rock-hard, growth hormone injected teat of knowledge. Now don’t you want some Lamisil – now that you know you have a colony of creepy little creatures partying underneath your nails?
This shit gives me nightmares, like when I watched a Discovery Channel special on exotic parasites and learned a fish could swim into your penis and live there if you go wee wee in the Amazon (now that’s what I call cock blocking). If you are the source, please contact us and we will put up a link to your personal portfolio. This is social proof at work, as the laughter is the proof that is influencing a person’s decision on whether the show is funny or not. It’s almost like a positive vote for your profile and the higher the number your Favorites is, then the more it is likely to act as social proof.
Even if you don't have this kind of access, you can still put up pictures with you and girls doing different things.
Foot in the door technique, the power of signing a petition, used car salesman tricks… Networking is important. In fact, there are quite a few categories of photos that have made me wonder WTF are these people thinking?
Because then in terms of celebrity trash news math: Newly Gay Fizzling Pop Star + New Baby = Cover Worthy Enough For A Slow Week. Especially since the product is, as the box so enthusiastically states, “Created by a school teacher!” Now call me a cynic, but somehow I don’t find this pedigree trustworthy. Believe me, if a real miracle cure for our ailments came out, it sure as hell wouldn’t be over-the-counter. In my opinion, why take multiple pills when you can get every miracle you ever wanted in just one easy to swallow tablet.
I can’t give the dog a scratch behind the ear without him giving himself a golden shower and shooting piss everywhere.

The idea of Rambo transported me back to my youth, a magical landscape populated by the likes of Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Segal, Chuck Norris, and even Dolph Lundgren on particularly desperate nights: Men who became like second fathers to me over the years, teaching me lessons of manhood in compact, easy-to-swallow one and a half hour capsules.
I can’t offer a specific number for how many he killed because I lost track – Arnie would need an autistic sidekick on par with Rainman to keep up with the body count.
Just be sure to drink some whiskey before hand to get the desired gravely voice; kids, just swallow some Pop-rocks and take a shot of Robitussin. They have brought me enlightenment and more chest hair than originally deemed possible by heredity. If you believe any images that appear on theChobble are in violation of copyright law, please email us and we will remove the offending information as soon as possible. For instance, when someone scrolls down the page and sees that you have a huge number of favorites than they will be more likely to take a closer look at the profile. For instance, people who have achieved a certain level in life, whether personal, business or other WILL NOT be swayed by this effect, as they are aware of their own realities.
That mid-life crisis novelty product of the eighties has finally made a comeback through clever re-marketing as a therapeutic tool for sagging, wrinkled, and flaccid phalluses. But seeing what the Congressional record is on extracurricular boning activities, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Just seeing this stuff makes me cringe, it’s like living in a motel room illuminated by black lights – mystery spunk everywhere. Dug thinks to him self, perhaps for the first time in all history, “I scared shitless.” He smiles at the thought.
He smiles and it’s the last thought he ever has as the tiger’s two massive canine’s plunge into his skull and Dug’s world fades to black.
Knight-McDowell’s R&D team that clinical trials require an actual clinic and real scientists. It’s amazing how many people still believe in Vitamin C is a cold blocker, even though this belief was debunked by scientists a few years ago. During clinical trials performed by my 7th grade science-lab partners Barry and Terry Liebowitz, both straight A students I might add, the Magic Bullet ™ has proven to remove stubborn belly fat, reduce wrinkles and other signs of aging, make your dick bigger, make your tits bigger (don’t worry it’s a smart pill, it’ll know which you want), help increase your intelligence, and of course, prevent the common cold.
I flash back to age eleven, and see myself standing in front of a mirror with a red scarf tied round my head and a cheap, jade, Buddha pendant from Chinatown hanging from my neck. It’s like trying to count the number of times “around the world” is said in that Daft Punk song titled, well, Around the World. I don’t need to imagine illnesses as little creatures getting ready to invade my body.
Social proof, when used in this way is a form of confidence bluff and as such will only work on those of a lesser level of achievement or whatever the bluff is addressing. Airborne claims that it “busts colds”, when in reality it’s as effective as practicing safe sex with a condom on your head. The main ingredient is found in the root of a rare Chinese plant called Ha Ha Ga Cha and the chemical extract, which we synthesize into the Magic Bullet ™, is called inyerfukindreemzadextrine.
Things we grow to love despite their ridiculousness and how their cuteness allows them to get away with extremely questionable behavior with nothing more than an admonishing chuckle. I can honestly imagine her working the corner, turning doggie tricks for a tube of Penns or Wilsons. You pop off your shoes and socks in front of him and he’ll start licking like he was trying to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I’m flexing my little muscles to David-like marmoreal hardness and glistening with a fresh coat of my mother’s bath oil slathered on my skin.
For reference, see Schwarzenegger removing the bug from his brain in Total Recall, or Stallone about every other second in an action sequence. Anyway, the pearl of wisdom to extract from this golden oyster of thought is that to kill a schizoid, sometimes you have to become a schizoid; or in other words, fight bat-shit crazy with bat-shit crazier. So next time you think about popping in Sleepless in Seattle for yourself or Baby Einstein for the tots, consider swapping it out for Predator, Rambo, or Bloodsport. Now I’m sure that between finger paintings and teaching the fundamentals of cursive writing there is lots of time for innovative thinking, but I find it difficult to believe that she was able to create a cure for something that has stumped pharmaceutical scientists and viral disease transmission experts. The plastic, orange tipped ak-47 water gun I brandish and my snarled lip complete the ensemble. Primitive grunting and groaning existed well before the written word and complex languages muddled things up.
I think maybe she has a taste bud disorder and can’t taste anything, so her behavior is like a paraplegic stabbing himself in the leg trying to get a reaction. A true action star can convey an entire array of emotions through these guttural vocal bursts.
It’s like thinking outside the box, but more literally like thinking outside of your cranium. She’s also an intense dreamer and sleep-howler and when in the throes of rem sleep will often break out in a banshee like howl that subsequently wakes up all of our family as well as herself. Sophie is also a major shit disturber and will bark at anything and everything, including much larger dogs, apparently not realizing that to a Rottweiler she looks like a Milk-bone on four legs. For example, like in Missing in Action when Chuck Norris goes buck wild on the Viet Cong after he decides to rescue a group of old POWs by himself. We all try to get back to sleep, but are stuck with images from Pet Cemetery running through our minds.
I imagine her like a hyper bitchie Rosie Perez starting fights that her boyfriend is forced to finish. In the process he teaches us that sometimes one crazy-ass mofo is just as effective as an entire army. The really interesting part is, IF, how you choose to present yourself is significantly different the a member of the opposite sex, THEN they will see each other as incompatible, even though the is no reason to reach that conclusion.

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