Love letter to my son from mom,free course vancouver,code r?duction desigual frais de port,how to make a free internet radio show - Videos Download

We thought we understood the magnitude of the sacrifice that we -- and God -- were asking for.
Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what he believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. And so, just before his 18th birthday, Ryan, depressed, suicidal, disillusioned and convinced that he would never be able to be loved by God, made a new choice. Suddenly our fear of Ryan someday having a boyfriend (a possibility that honestly terrified me) seemed trivial in contrast to our fear of Ryan's death, especially in light of his recent rejection of Christianity and his mounting anger at God.
Ryan started with weed and beer, but in six short months was using cocaine, crack and heroin. By the time our son called us, after 18 long months of silence, God had completely changed our perspective. And then Ryan made the classic mistake of a recovering addict: He got back together with his old friends, his using friends. Now, when I think back on the fear that governed all my reactions during those first six years after Ryan told us he was gay, I cringe as I realize how foolish I was. In the presentation, Rob read a letter that he'd recently written to Ryan, which you can read here. This piece, which was originally written for Biola Queer Underground in December 2012, was posted on Facebook on Jan. Not that we didn't know and love gay people; my only brother had come out to us several years before, and we adored him. And this sacrifice, we knew, would lead to an abundant life, perfect peace and eternal rewards. God didn't answer his prayer, or ours, though we were all believing with faith that the God of the Universe, the God for whom nothing is impossible, could easily make Ryan straight.
We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly own their own faith.


He decided to throw out his Bible and his faith at the same time and try searching for what he desperately wanted -- peace -- another way.
He was hooked from the beginning, and his self-loathing and rage at God only fueled his addiction. And one evening that was supposed to simply be a night at the movies turned out to be the first time he had shot up in 10 months -- and the last time. We seek Heaven for grace and mercy and redemption as we try not to get better but to be better.
But there are other men who have faced this same struggle, and God has worked in them to change their desires.
Ryan had always felt intensely drawn to spiritual things; He desired to please God above all else. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he'd make the wrong choice. So as he began to use drugs, he did so with a recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety that was alarming to everyone who knew him. And God was present every step of the way, leading and guiding us, gently reminding us simply to love our son and leave the rest up to Him. And I grieve, not only for my oldest son, whom I will miss every day for the rest of my life, but for the mistakes I made.
And we pray that God can somehow use our story to help other parents learn to truly love their children.
He would never have the chance to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy and companionship or experience romance. We had not seen this coming, and the emotion that overwhelmed us, kept us awake at night and, sadly, influenced all our reactions over the next six years was fear. But we know what God says about this, so you are going to have to make some really difficult choices.


And since you know what the Bible says, and since you want to follow God, embracing your sexuality is not an option. What we had wished for, prayed for, hoped for -- that we would not have a gay son -- came true. Now, whenever Rob and I join our gay friends for an evening, I think about how much I would love to be visiting with Ryan and his partner over dinner. He memorized Scripture, met with his youth pastor weekly, enthusiastically participated in all the church youth group events and Bible Studies and got baptized. He read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelings came from, dove into counseling to further discover the whys of his unwanted attraction to other guys, worked through painful conflict resolution with my husband and me and built strong friendships with other guys -- straight guys -- just like the reparative therapy experts advised. We celebrate anniversaries: the would-have-been birthdays and the unforgettable day of his death. He even came out to his entire youth group, giving his testimony of how God had rescued him from the traps of the enemy, and sharing, by memory, verse after verse that God had used to draw Ryan to Him.
The journey wasn't without mistakes, but we had grace for each other, and the language of apology and forgiveness became a natural part of our relationship. We hoard memories: pictures, clothing he wore, handwritten notes, lists of things he loved, tokens of his passions, recollections of the funny songs he invented, his Curious George and baseball blankey, anything, really, that reminds us of our beautiful boy, for that is all we have left, and there will be no new memories.
We even stopped praying for him to come home to us; we only wanted him to come home to God.
God taught us how to love him, to rejoice over him, to be proud of the man he was becoming. We were all healing, and most importantly, Ryan began to think that if we could forgive him and love him, then maybe God could, too.



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