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This may or may not be a situation you might end up with, but if not, there might be others. I think everyone knows that communication is the key to a good relationship but many people don’t follow that advice and really communicate.
Good communication doesn’t mean getting angry with something your spouse does and then hinting at your anger indirectly and then getting more angry when they don’t realize you are angry.
Using I statements means saying something like I feel ignored when you don’t’ ask me how my day went instead of saying You never ask me how my day went.
I may not agree with everything my husband feels or thinks but I know it’s important to him and I respect that. As I mentioned before, I don’t always agree with my husband’s thoughts or opinions but I always respect them.
Everyone seems to know these five words and know they are important but really putting them into practice is another thing all together.
Mom of five, Girl Guide leader, Blogger, Social Media Enthusiast, Knowledge Seeker, Canadian.
Callista's Ramblings by Kathleen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
What would happen if you immediately dropped your phone (unlocked) and your spouse picked it up? What will your spouse find on your phone if right now, without notice, you dropped your phone on the counter and gave them uninhibited access? I’d like to say we dove heroically into the sand like action movie stars (EVERYBODY DOWWWN!!), but we both just sat there like idiots.
All it takes is one bad move and before you know it you’re dodging mortar rounds and running for cover.
Are you afraid someone might call or text you when you’re not near your phone at home? Have you had any conversations where you’d feel embarrassed if your spouse read a transcript?
The above approach follows the biblical process of confession and reconciliation found in Galatians 6 and James 5. Transparency is a tool we use to help us down that path of sanctification, and it’s a wonderful thing. I like to keep a password on my phone because I misplace things easily and I always think it would deter someone from stealing my phone (in reality, I do not know how well it works) but I have had the same pascode forever and my husband knows them all.
I think that is a really good way to go about it, and will maybe talk to my husband about this as an idea.
My wife also knows the passcode to my phone and I have filtering devices on my phone and iPad.
I don’t think I could be in a relationship where this was an issue, much less a marriage.
How many of you that say complete transparancy use ‘burner phones’, phones that you can buy with cash, use for the month, and throw away? Last Spring I had a breakdown and had to be admitted to hospital while my meds were adjusted. The death of a loved one, an immediate family member’s illness or the loss of a job might be the ultimate test of your marriage in your family.

Taking the time to have a personal conversation and stating how you feel using I statements then listening while your spouse responds and repeating back what they said is good communication. So every relationship, even a same-sex one is going to have instances where one person doesn’t fully understand how the other person feels. Many times I inaccurately assumed something only to find out I was totally wrong about how he felt or what he meant. Everyone seems to know that yet putting it into practice doesn’t always work the way it should. He’s had his ex girlfriend over (who is still his friend) while I was away and I trust that there will be no problems.
If we feel completely different about a situation, say like with parenting situations, then we compromise and come up with a solution that is halfway between his preference and mine.
If you want to be prepared for your ultimate test of marriage you need to get these five words set and ready in your relationship. I have a feeling I’ll be able to move on to other topics after this, so please bare with me. Toward the end of the night, my dad and I sat by the fire after the ladies all went inside. Thank God, the mortar shot in front of us far enough for us not to be injured, and it exploded into it’s full color about 20 feet away from where were sitting. When you talk, first tell them how much you love them and how much you value your marriage. Explain that you want a transparent relationship, and that you’ve felt convicted on something. Make sure it’s a realistic plan that is practical and can be an active part of your lives. Technology, too, is a wonderful thing as long as it’s used with great respect and care.
It took a long time, much prayer and patience but God is able if we let him do the healing. He frequently talks about how to deal with husbands that have porn addictions and other morality issues. I can’t think of anything that truly tests your marriage like what I went through last year. I spent 3 weeks in hospital, unable to see my kids, dealing with hallucinations and negative thoughts. When that time comes, if it comes, you will need a few things set in your marriage to help it continue to go strong despite the hardships.
However listening to their thoughts and feelings and trying your best to understand where they come from is necessary.
If you can’t trust your spouse, there is a problem with your relationship that you should work on immediately. As I wrote in my last post, trust is a two-way street where you must be trustworthy and you also must be trusting. Wielded carelessly, however, fire will burn you or your entire house to the ground in minutes. I use my phone for email, texting, Facebook, Twitter, writing, listening to music, looking up awesome facts about broadswords, finding directions, and a whole bunch of other useful things.

I splurged on 5 roman candles, 9 sparklers, 20 ground flowers, and a few weird eyeball-spinny colorful things that were WAY too loud. Neither of us have anything to hide and having our phones easily accessible to each other is not an issue. However, strangers won’t know our passcodes, thus keeping personal info and friend contact info safe in the case of theft or loss.
Our phones and PCs and tablets are completely open for each other, we always leave our Facebook accounts open. I’d encourage you to schedule some time to talk with your spouse and share how her behavior hurts you. It may be complete with the main phone, but what about the other that the spouse knows nothing about. My husband had to step up and take on the role of mom and dad for 3 weeks without me by his side. He’s proven himself trustworthy and I trust his ex girlfriend too so I am comfortable leaving them alone in the house. As always, stay grounded in the Word, and hopefully she’ll see why this type of behavior neither glorifies God nor helps build your marriage. Regardless of being completely transparent with your spouse, are you completely honest with yourself? My spouse left the house for a couple hours came back home and told me i could look at the phone if i wanted. He had to deal with the kids thoughts and questions, do the daily grind of getting them off to school, cooking and cleaning and all while trying to deal with his own feelings about what I was going through. Find scripture that applies to your situation – read the Bible, Google the topics in question, and use whatever tools you can to identify verses that speak to you. On the occasions I did pick up his phone (or my children) there was always inappropriate content.
We also let each other know if we talk to someone of the opposite sex, whether we know them or not. When my wife comes back home from work she spends up to two hours browsing, during which she does not like to be interrupted and does not talk. I end up feeling that Facebook is a lover with whom spending time is much more pleasant than with me. While some think this is some sort of prison or being held back, I find complete and total freedom in it.
On this last visit we made arrangements for him to drive a rental car back home and it was booked with his email.
He couldn’t control his demons (pornography addiction and affairs) and eventually just gave up. I wish he had learned the freedom in God’s love and in honesty and integrity in marriage.
I believe that he didn’t act on it but knowing he considered it is more than I can handle.

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