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But, we’re talking about good men, and sex is never enough for, and will never satisfy a good man. Three weeks ago, a Christian brother approached me and said, I know porn is wrong but what’s a man to do when he’s neglected for so long? Husband or wife, if you are measuring out sex to your spouse with a teaspoon, you are sinning and you’re setting up your spouse for sin.
No, frequent sex isn’t some insignificant sideshow in the life of a good man but as important (and biblical!) as it is, it isn’t enough.
Every good man knows when his wife is merely fulfilling a duty and it’s very unsatisfying to him because he cares deeply how his wife feels and what she experiences at an emotional level.
There was a time in our marriage when exhaustion from having 6 kids under 9 years old, stress, and medical trauma (Click Here to read about that) had its way with Lisa.
Good men don’t want duty from their wives, they want heart, soul – connection at a spiritual level, because they care, they’re not mere takers.
My husband sent me a link to this article by way of explaining he was unsatisfied with our marriage.
We have three kids, complex circumstances, high stress levels, and are being informed of only more and more health problems I have. My husband has proven this to me and it truly is a comfort actually to know he cares about where my emotions lie. You both need to have others, wise, understanding, instructive, biblical, to come along side and help shepherd you through these things. It took me years to understand that for my husband, sex was about being part of me emotionally and spiritually and not just physically.
All my years of duty sex (now far behind us) hurt my husband more than i could have imagined.

Chris, Thank you so much for your openness and for sharing your survey – You discovered a truth that surprises many wives of good men.
No matter where you are on your marriage journey, she never stopped desiring to be cherished by you. Practical, inspiring wisdom that will make a real difference in how to understand and love the woman God chose for you.
There’s always a grain of truth in a cliche or a stereotype and, admittedly, with the subject of Christian men and sex (just like the general culture) there’s more than a grain of truth to the cliche.
We’re often surprised at how many women write to us, frustrated at being deprived by their husbands.
They want their wives to receive from them, too, and receiving involves not merely being present but desiring to be present.
Has life, stress, disappointments, challenges overtaken your desire to be one with your husband? When you subscribe, I'll send you my book, "10 Things You Won't Find in a Godly Marriage", free!
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When I asked him what he felt I needed to do to correct that, all his answers centered around sex, not a relationship. My time, interests, pursuits, body are not my own but an integral part of my wife’s personhood. Your personal situation needs the personal involvement of someone who is discerning, wise, biblical, and present in your lives. I did a survey about duty sex last fall and learned that many men would rather have no sex at all than have sex that was only about their physical release.

Subscribe Today and I'll also send you a FREE digital copy of my Book, 10 Things You Won't Find in a Godly Marriage. It's practical and gives new or old husbands actionable steps to love your wife as Christ loved the church. I suggest involving a biblical (imperative!) and wise couple you both trust who can help you navigate the issues in your relationship. Please seek the help you need locally, among those whom you can trust and who will hold you both accountable. She call you and text you all day when you are away from her because she wants to be part of every single thing you do. In 1 Corinthians 7, the Bible is crystal clear that husbands and wives should make love often to avoid temptation.
If you don’t know where to start, begin by asking God to bring these people into your life and to teach you what He wants you to know, understand, and do.
She will be jealous of other women around you because she wants all your attention focused on her. She would like to meet you every day because she would love to spend quality time with you. I didn’t know until later but, she had begun to pray, God, please fill me with desire for my husband.

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