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My boy is 9 and a half and has developed a personality that likes to “stand out from the crowd”, as he puts it. As part of this personality, he’s taken to wearing a short-brimmed hat when we go out to special occasions.
Later in the evening, the musician playing next to our table saw we were enjoying his tunes. We like to think we’re fairly progressive parents when it comes to lifestyles and we’re cool with earrings. My boy used to wear a ring, probably in retrospect an early manifestation of this standing out from the crowd thing.
But we wanted him to think it through and prepare himself for how he might be treated by the conforming masses might confront him. But I wanted to know how he would he handle it when the kids at school made fun of him or accused him of being gay because he wore earrings. We watch Modern Family and have lots of gay friends, so he knows being gay is great if that’s what you are.
I have seen and been exposed to a lot of truly annoying self-absorbed, disrespectful brats over the years. By all means I am not saying this is who you are but many parents want to be their kids friends and be cool. My kids are grown and fortunately, I wasn’t confronted with e the ear ring thing but was very much confronted with other issues.
You have a lot of years in front of you to be cool, but for now you’re the dad and believe me when I (dad of two grown kids) tell you, you’re son will respect you for your decisions.
As for the tattoo conversation, it has some similarities but its different than the piercing conversation. I appreciate hearing that your son’s experiences were positive and I like that it happened at age 11.
As for some other comments, generally they have been respectful, helpful and generous of spirit.
Jay, I just wanted to congratulate you on raising a boy that isn’t afraid to stand out, or be different.
I hope, when I have children, I can inspire the same confidence and self belief in mine that you have. At age 13 my nephew (who is an awesome kid- no trouble, good grades, etc.) wanted to grow his hair out all headbanger-like. A few years later, the same thing happened with my niece and her punk blue streaks in her hair. If you do move forward with it, PLEASE ask around and find a good (and licensed) piercer in your area. You obviously take a hard line on these issues and that’s fine but it’s how you approach them can make a difference.

The kids that I work with (adolescent teen boys) become very comfortable with clear set enforced boundaries. Follow These 10 Ways to Nurture Your Intimate Relationship and Watch Your Love GrowHow do we learn how to maintain relationships? Nothing wrong with that, of course, but kids can be cruel to anyone who is different for any reason. We don’t want to rush into it and want to give him time to decide this is really what he wants.
Kids at your sons age needs a dad more then anything, a dad that is clear in what he desires of his son. I sometimes struggle with providing firmness, but I believe as I think you do that this is the essence of good parenting. I’ve had the piercing conversation in many places recently and it almost always runs into an interesting conversation about tattooing. Your parenting has clearly given him the confidence to be himself, and that is all anybody can really ask from a parent. I am so proud and excited to be having such a thoughtful conversation about this with my kid.
You’re introducing a structural weakness that literally anyone on the street can pinpoint and exploit. I’m worried about what nasty conformist pre-teens will do to his self-esteem if they think he is different in any way.
It’s one thing when you tell a small child “no” but it’s another when the child is 9 and can understand a parents rationale.
At times I shake my head in disbelief while I walk around a mall and wonder what the parents of these kids were thinking. As I said in my earlier post, a lot of parents want to be “friends” with their kids and not be a parent to them. First day I had to speak to a few parents about what was acceptable attire and had to ask that the 7th grade girls not wear makeup, tight tank tops and very short skirts. We’ve seen a clear loss of parental authority where, as I said before, some parents are more interested in being a child friend then the parent.
Problem was, it never healed properly so I was constantly dealing with bleeding and gross ooze. As an active father and "primary parent" to 3 kids, Jay is committed to expanding the domestic roles and responsibilities of dads—starting with his own role in his own family. All the things he taught me, all the times that I resented him for his perceived strictness are all the times that I wish he was here for me to tell him he was so cool and so right. One of the things that my son said during these conversations is that what his family thinks about this issue is very important to him.
Rules and guidelines and expectations help kids grow well, just like a tomato plant needs stakes so that its fruits can find the sun and have room to blossom.

Perhaps a preliminary visit to a reputable piercer in your city would be enough to satisfy your son for awhile? The earlobe stretching resulting from plugs is something he should decide upon as an adult.
He was told that he could get it at that age but he had to earn the privilege with good grades, good behavior, etc. I love that you allow him to be an individual and that he feels enough love and acceptance to be that individual. Ours is far from the only culture that does this–as a matter of fact, ALL cultures engage in forms of temporary or permanent body altering.
Follow their healing instructions carefully, and keep in mind that allergies to metals are not that rare–I had surgical steel in my nose recently, which is generally considered to be the least allergy-inducing metal.
What’s frustrating to me is that many kids conform to parent wishes when their feet are put to the fire. The dread locks were actually my idea which really surprised him in that he thought of getting them but didn’t have the nerve. I was still getting a bump and went back to my piercer who told me to take it out right away. No doubt, though, we are always watching out for inappropriate or unhealthy attention-seeking behaviour.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “if you’re too strict, they will rebel” I would have several hundred dollars. You might be classed in the same group as the Einsteins, Edisons, daVincis, Darwins, Picassos, Michelangelos, Galileos, Freuds, and Mozarts. Let your attitudes toward elementary school aged girls pierced ears guide your response to your son.
For beauty, as a sign of change or rebellion or conformity, to show status, to mark a moment, to be able to wear a certain ornament, to identify with spirits or ancestors or deities, to show group membership, to show gender distinctions.” Sounds legit to me!
Creativity and intelligence are different things and it is now understood that the creative are the leaders of our culture, not the highest IQ’s, and CERTAINLY not the normals who blend in and hide their light.
I am a competitive gymnast and that also makes people for some reason think your gay but I could just deal with it. I believe if you squash the creative difference in a helpless 10 year old with ignorance, you possible kill the flame in someone who cold have cured cancer or ended war.
Many people would comment on it (in a good way) so I think your son will like it if he gets his ears pierced.

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