Most experts agree that there are five stages of grief experienced by at least one person in every break-up. But the modern break-up has a sixth undiagnosed stage – just as certain as all the others, and one that we all have to deal with at some point. How you react to the ex text is totally up to you, but if you’re casting about for ideas, here are some fantastic (and, in some cases, classic) examples. This one’s a little tricky to pull off but you can rest assured that the text will end the moment you hit the send button on this sweet baby.

When faced with a situation that is turning against you, sometimes there’s no other way around it.
Like the double bluff (see above), sometimes you realise too late that the ex text was a bad idea – but this way will cause less friction and may win you some points further down the line.
Gets the point across in a slightly circuitous way… but is very effective if your ex is a Republican. You can be sure, however, that your name is going to come up in conversation over the coming weeks.

An enigmatic, impenetrable and disturbing response that, if repeated without explanation for every ex text, is guaranteed to extinguish any former flame.

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