The more Julie’s husband stepped away, the more Julie started to notice all the ways that he wasn’t meeting her needs.
I don’t know what’s bothering you today–if you’re worried about a relationship, or worried about your kids, or worried about money.
One day, when her children were still preschoolers, Julie looked in the mirror and felt as if she didn’t recognize herself anymore. Happiness is having what you want, which is only possible when God helps you to want what you have. If we stop at that first half–having what you want–we’ll always be unhappy, because our wants are unlimited. My happiness is a gift I can give my husband--because then he doesn't have to fix anything!
Tomorrow I want to share with you my Top 10 ways for creating happiness–and thus giving your husband the gift of a happy wife! Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage will start shipping August 18–but you can pre-order it now!
There were some not very helpful comments left on that post, and I thought it was an important enough subject to revisit and post some of my thoughts! And that verse was directed at an older, married couple, too, where likely gravity had taken its toll! I believe that part of loving your man and helping your man is being as attractive as you can be.
But even if you’re not a size 2 (and very, very few of us are), you can still be attractive! Now, if I were 250 pounds and this were a serious heath issue, then I’d feel differently. So if you’re really hurting because your husband wants you to lose weight, think about it logically like this. Your metabolism slows, and while you could eat a ton at 20 and stay 120 pounds, now you eat less and you’re 145.
Maturity means recognizing this and delighting in having a spouse to grow older with, not in expecting that person to stay 20. Yes, the body is important, and yes, we need to do what we can to keep ourselves attractive to our husbands. You can make a commitment to get healthy and to keep yourself attractive, but that’s only half the story. My 31 Days to Great Sex book can help you work through this, because it shows us how sex can unite us spiritually and not just physically. Join over 23,000 people who receive my monthly marriage newsletter--and get a FREE COPY of my eBook, 36 Tips to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage.
So often, I just look at her and think: How did I get so lucky, not only is she smart, but she’s gorgeous! Let’s be careful not to confuse the normal aging process we all go through with the attractiveness (or lack therof) being discussed in this thread.

She used to be a confident woman with drive and dreams who could take on the world; now she was a mess who was always angry. And when you possess those, you become happy.So, in other words, happiness is a by-product of something else. It was tough for Julie–she had to learn how to bring God into her daily life and how to set up systems so that she could cope with two difficult preschoolers. It’s just a snippet of what’s in the book–seriously, there’s so much more–but I hope it will help you.But today I wanted to let you know that I learned a lot while writing this book. And everyone who preorders, or who orders it on August 18, will be able to get a whole bunch of free downloadable goodies during all my parties I’m planning for August 18! Let’s say your husband has gained a tremendous amount of weight and sex is now just plain uncomfortable (I like to be able to breathe, for instance). Be part of the solution–like cooking better meals, initiating walks after dinner, and finding active habits to enjoy. And right now I think speaking and writing and spending time with my kids takes precedence over trying to look like I did when I was 20. You get more hair growing on your upper lip and chin (where did THAT come from?!?!) Your veins start to stick out. And when we constantly feed our minds with what those bodies look like, through consuming media or even porn, then it’s hard for our spouses to measure up. It’s also about recognizing that godly intimacy is a meeting of bodies AND souls, not just bodies. I do think our marriages are worth the effort to look good, and to stay within a reasonable weight (definitely NOT what you were at 20, mind you!). Regardless of the circumstances, whether you have children with this man, investments and what not, you need to save yourself.
I have always struggled with my weight, since I was a teenager, and I am finally starting to lose some of it, two kids later. But let’s make sure that we put the onus for fixing those problems where it belongs: with ourselves and with God, not with our husbands. We are, at heart, envious people.What we really need, then, is for God to change our hearts so that we want what He has given us.
Happiness isn’t the first step at all; it’s something that only comes after we wrestle with God. I have struggled with many of these issues, too, and this one in particular has been a journey for me.  I hope you can take this journey with me. Just keep watching this blog, or stay in touch through my newsletter so you don’t miss your chance to get your goodies, and come to a bunch of fun parties on the day! Or perhaps you have gained 150 pounds and he does find it difficult to become aroused just seeing you now.
And when we put so much emphasis on needing the perfect body in order to make love we’ve lost the point.
If you set the tone with an answer like this with the reader questions, I think there definitely won’t be discord.

His comment may seem innocent and simple at first, but it may and will leave tremendous amount of side effects on yourself. It started with a lot of health problems, and ended with a personal struggle I’ve been praying through and agonizing about.
It’s not a pat answer because it always applies.Ladies, we’re all going to go through periods, like Julie, when we are exhausted and stretched beyond our limits. Eating well does not take any more time than eating poorly, and so it’s a blessing we can give our family and our husbands. If I were to exercise for an hour and a half a day, that time would have to come from somewhere. Much depends on the weight you’re starting at, and how realistic that target weight is. I think if I set the tone, the chance of the comments becoming too outrageous is a lot lower. You will not only emotionally hurt, but you will also lose all of your confidence which comes with other side effects of its own. And what’s bugged me the most is that I can’t share that personal struggle with Keith in the way that I want to, because it’s not his struggle. Choosing to walk places or choosing to take up biking as a family are all good things that can help us keep our weight manageable. I don't know how long I will be gone or exactly where I am going, but I want you to know that I love you - always!"If you're not in love with a soldier, you don't know what it's like to say that final good-bye. He doesn’t feel the same way about the issue as I do (it’s not a marriage issue, by the way.
For me to get back to the weight I was when I was married would require a tremendous amount of effort. Should I stop writing my next book (or take about 3 times as long to write it?) Should I speak less? But they can’t feel it in the same way that we do, and they can’t always fix it.But men like to fix things. You can't understand the self-control it takes to stand on the other side of the room as some higher-up gives a seemingly endless welcome home speech while all the soldiers stand in formation. To be our big champion!But isn’t being our champion God’s role?If your husband doesn’t get as riled up or as upset about something as you do, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He can just love me, and have fun with me, and dote on me without feeling like he’s somehow doing something wrong.

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