No matter how hard we try and what we do, the solutions to successfully getting back in touch with our ex-girlfriend seem to escape us.
Throughout my website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, I provide a great deal of information targeted at trying to help guys reunite with their ex girlfriends. When you invest your time and emotional energy to implement these multiple tactics, all singularly aimed at trying to get your ex girlfriend back, only to have it end in failure with each try, it’s hard not to feel dejected.
You probably have spent enormous hours researching and reading and thinking about the things you should do or should NOT do to enhance your chances of winning back your ex girlfriend.
You may have even gotten yourself pretty excited as you figured your chances were darn good. In my writing of this post, when I use the phrasing, “YOU”, let me be clear that I am not specifically talking about you, personally. You may have even fallen into a deeper sense of futility and have started wondering whether you should just give up.
Hell, you might even get really upset at your ex, casting all kinds of ugly thoughts of her in your mind’s eye. The “topsy turvy” range of emotions that you are experiencing aren’t helping much either, right? It really sucks when your ex will not make any effort to contact you, particularly after you have instituted what you thought was a fabulous game plan. Perhaps you already went through a 30 days No Contact Period and tried all the steps of initiating contact, but still no luck.
It is a heck of a roller coaster ride when you are fighting like mad to get things going again with that special woman you want back.
There is a simple answer to how you increase your chances of having your ex gf contact you. You have to be prepared to turn over every stone in your efforts to re-establish contact and communications with your former girlfriend. Well, it is because I personally designed this Training Module specifically for those who are having what I characterize as an “acute” communications challenge in getting some kind of response back from their ex girlfriend. So if you are one of those lucky individuals who landed on this specific page of my website, it is yours to keep, read and enjoy. And I think you are going to find some darn good actionable ideas that will help you with overcoming many of those ex gf recovery obstacles and communication dead-ends.
In this case, the person is wanting more than just re-establishing contact with their girlfriend, but they really want to win back their heart.
Now, we are all different and our situations are unique, so elements of a game plan will vary from person to person. Some tactics that I will discuss could work quite well given your particular acute relationship situation, whereas other recommendations I make may not be a good fit.
It is not a five step plan that lands you back at the door of your ex girlfriend in a few days or even a few weeks (though you never know). The run of the mill, Get Your Ex Girlfriend back in a hurry type of articles often consists of vague or non-actionable advice.
So after your break up, just go right into a 60 day period of completely avoiding and ignoring her.
When I come across relationship advice like this, I conjure up images of something like that scene in the movie, “Magnolia” where the Tom Cruise character is conducting a workshop on how to conquer and dominate women. If one was to follow these crude, one dimensional tactics, your chances of ever winning back your ex girlfriend would be dramatically sinking….
Another mistake some relationship experts make is not seeing the recovery process as two sides of the same coin. There is the element of this process that is focused on tactics to help you with getting back with your ex gf.
As you probably realize, since you are likely experiencing a great deal of emotional strain due to the break up, you will often feel lost much of the time. When you are suffering from multiple failed attempts to resume communication with your ex gf, your feelings of despair or desperation may feel even more pronounced.
So when your prior efforts to win her back have fallen flat on their face, then you need to execute something else or modify your existing efforts. Or how about those hospital dramas, or better yet, how about those apocalyptic types of movies or shows? But if you are really struggling with making contact with your ex and can’t seem to see any way out of the situation, then you may need some really special care. So think of this upcoming Training Module you are about to embark on has a Triage that is set up specifically for those with acute injuries….of the ex girlfriend kind. If you are already encountering some serious emotional blow back from your inability to communicate with your ex gf and you need some help on what to do, then I am assigning you to my special Training Module. If you are struggled with finding a “Get Out of Jail Card” as it applies to your Ex and really are feeling the acute pain of apparent defeat, then step right on in because this baby is about to get started. So perhaps some of this magic will rub off when I walk you through the 5 Phases of your ex girlfriend recovery plan. If you are seriously wounded from a broken relationship and feel helpless as to what to do next, then let’s get started with your treatment plan.
Much like Humpty Dumpty, pieces and parts of your relationship in the form of memories are just lying all around and you keep running into them. In this stage, the person essentially just sort of gives up and retreats into themselves not wanting to do much of anything. But the psychologists say we all experience some form of depression before we move into the last stage, called Acceptance.
When we enter into acceptance, we have largely made peace with ourselves and our situation. When I think of damage control, I think of it as pertaining to not damaging yourself any further or the relationship you have with your ex gf. And yes, as much as you think the connection with your ex-girlfriend is broken and that you are screwed, I have news for you. This  is the case given the gravity of how difficult it is to completely sever a relationship connection with your lover.
In an effort to try to get you from beating yourself up too much, just remember that relationships are hard.
There are tons of books, movies, websites, rumor mills, and all the rest that focus on the issue of relationships.
We are complicated creatures striving not only to figure out ourselves, which is pretty damm hard when you really think about it a lot, but we are also trying to figure out that entity we call the “opposite sex”. Look to your left and look to your right and while you are at it, look forward and look behind you. My larger point is that for you to get on the right road to recovery, you need to understand and accept that relationships just sometimes get upside down for reasons neither you or your girlfriend could have predicted. So if you are suffering from a relationship loss and you want your girlfriend back, think of your situation in this way….you have an opportunity to learn from the past and apply those learnings to the future.
You may also have trouble sleeping which will exasperate your situation causing you to become further removed from the way your normally feel, react, and behave.
You may not be able to completely stop these unusual flood of emotions, but you can learn to temper them.
The more serious and damaging behaviors you should guard against would include uncontrollable outbursts, obsessive thinking, panic attacks, compulsive behavior, drinking binges, and controlling behaviors.
Knowing the risk of becoming emotionally unhinged should lead you to some preventative strategies. Look, no matter how tough a guy you think you are, if you don’t get some of the emotion bottled up in you, out, then you are headed for trouble. The alternative, is to hold it all in and let it come out in more self destructive and harmful ways.
Studies reveal quite clearly that letting it all out and having a cry helps reduce stress hormones, promotes physical health, supports your immune system, gives you perspective and a sense of calm after the tears have been shed.
If don’t buy into this reality, then you best just tip your cap to the ladies, because they will have one up on you. When people are in pain, they seek solace…they seek to find a place where they can get some relief, even if it is just for a few hours. This is why alcohol and substance abuse and other addictive behaviors can threaten your personal welfare immediately following a break up with your ex gf.
Remember, your are responsible for your actions and the last thing you want to do is sink deeper into the muck of your emotions. Going out and having a quick fling can not only cause you to feel guilty and regret your behavior, but if your actions are later discovered by your ex girlfriend, it will likely sink any chances you had to reconcile.
Steer clear of making any plans of going out on any serious dates or hooking up with anyone during the early stages after your break up.
Trust me, things can get very complicated and confusing fast in the dating world and it is no fun getting emotionally whipsawed as you sort through everything that is coming at you. This is a perfectly natural impulse and should be expected, but don’t give in to these darker emotions. The sooner you wipe the slate clean and choose not to dwell on all of the mistakes you both made, the sooner you can get on with healing.
Now, I don’t have any validated evidence to prove my next statement, but my experience in dealing with Exes has taught me that women tend to take a longer time to stop playing the blame game.
So part of the reason why you are experiencing a shutdown of communications with your ex-girlfriend may be because she is still harboring some really angry and resentful thoughts toward you.
So if this is true, then it serves as yet another reason not to rock her boat by lashing out back at her or doing something idiotic in trying to get her attention. So let’s say that following the break up, you initiated a 30 day No Contact Period in which you were not suppose to communicate with your ex gf, even though you experienced many tantalizing moments of wanting to reach out to her.
Now let’s say that throughout this 30 day period of no contact with your ex gf you never heard from her.

So if you followed the advice I have offered in the past, you would have embarked on an effort to initiate contact with your ex gf through what I call a “First Contact” text message.
I have written extensively about this process and how it is done and have provided ample examples which you can find in multiple posts and all of my e-books.
But let’s go on to say that even after doing your best to get a response from your ex girlfriend after using those tactics, you failed.
These kinds of situations in which a guy is trying to pry himself back into his girl’s life after a breakup are almost always very challenging.
It ain’t over yet and you better not give up because there are many more stones left unturned.
I would suggest your next logical course of action is to institute another course of No Contact.
It is not like that scene from “The Graduate” where that guy runs to the church where his girlfriend is getting hitched and he starts pounding on the window, screaming her name.
The less you overreact to the fact that your ex gf still has not contacted you….the greater your chances that you will not come off as being desperate or needy. And give yourself more time to become the best version of yourself which I will talk about more in a few minutes. But I do firmly believe you can enhance your chances significantly if you follow the template I am laying out for you. You know you are not suppose to contact her until the designated No Contact period is over. Because the more you think about it, the more you will feel inclined to do something about it. And if you start reaching out to your ex girlfriend in a desperate like fashion, it will only dim your chances. She may eventually respond…maybe sooner than your realize and things can slowly get back on track.
But my experience in these matters teaches me that women can be fickle as their emotions and “true feelings” have yet to settle in. Meanwhile, if your brain is moving at a thousand miles a second trying to process all of these possibilities and decipher meaning from everything…you will slowly become unglued. You need to unscramble your mind so you can draw closer to feeling whole again, even without her in your life.
You will need to find this state of mind and reside in it in order to optimize your chances of getting your ex gf back because when you do eventually communicate with her, you will need to have your sh#t together, if you know what I mean! And you really need to, because by solving this word puzzle, you will learn one of the most valuable lessons I could ever teach you.
I assure you, it will help you immensely in your quest to reunite with your ole girlfriend.
Sometimes it is wise to do less until it is time to do more, but it not time for any Hail Mary’s.
I know it sounds the opposite of what you should do, but often the worse thing boyfriends can do in trying to retrieve their ex gf is to try too hard.
But any behaviors signaling your desperation or any notions of giving her an ultimatum, will usually be met with failure. Even when you are finally able to break through to her and communications begin, the doctrine of “less is more” will serve you well.
Even then, you will proceed slowly and cautiously so as not to spook your ex-girlfriend or antagonize her in anyway. Not contacting your ex girlfriend means not initiating any communications with her during the no contact period. If this is the first time through the No Contact Period, then usually the answer is NO, don’t respond to your ex gf as of yet.
If your ex-girlfriend initiates multiple positive efforts to communicate with you and you are at least halfway through the No Contact Period, then you should capitalize on the opportunity.
In my e-books,  I discuss extensively the various text and communication methods you can use to move the conversation eventually into a  meet-up.
Sometimes the tactics and strategies need to be tweaked to work in various situations for different types of individuals. Hence, it is from this type of logic and insight regarding the psychology of people that the School of Thought #2 emerges.
If you are instituting either your first version of No Contact, but particularly if you are in the second run of No Contact, you may want to leverage the opportunity to respond to your ex girlfriend if she finally makes an effort to communicate with you. The Second School of Thought on this subject of No Contact takes into account that some relationship break-ups may not be as serious or disruptive as others. Hence, after a reasonable period of time has elapsed, if you receive a positive inquiry from your ex gf, then you should cultivate that opportunity. This School of Thought also takes into account that if we are engaged in the Second No Contact Period, that any effort made by your former girlfriend to talk with you is most likely done in good faith and that sufficient time has already elapsed for both of you to have gained some perspective and experienced some personal healing. You may be ready to address the relationship needs going forward, but you cannot assume your ex girlfriend is completely there emotionally.
And even if you think you are both ready to try things out, just understand that each of you may still face some new insights and emotions as you re-enter into the relationship. But you both have work to do to reduce the risk of repeating the same mistakes that led to the breaking off of the relationship.
So while you are in the No Contact phase of trying to win back your girlfriend, it behooves you to place a premium priority on fitness. Study after study supports the physical and emotional health benefits of a regular fitness program. You may have frequent bouts with loss of appetite, loss of sleep, fatigue, headaches, heightened levels of stress, and many other undesirable outcomes.
Just stop reading and go put on your running shoes or grab your bike or engage in whatever fitness activity you enjoy. Ok, so hopefully you did what I suggested because the very act of working out does amazing things for your body and mind.
And if you want to become the best version of yourself, then you will need your body and mind working as one.
What I want you to do is embark on a NEW routine in which your exercise at least 45 minutes five times a week.
If you wish to optimize your chances with your ex and enjoy the many synergistic benefits of exercise, you need to make a Commitment to Fitness.
Working to improve your wealth can help you with increasing your sense of self worth and also send a clear signal to your ex gf that you are a successful guy, serious about the business of growing your capital. Growing the wealth of your knowledge and putting away the things from your past that prevent you from realizing your personal goals….these are also examples of wealth management. As we make our way through the process of becoming the best version of ourself, we must not forget the importance of our social circles.
And while it will be difficult for some of you, particularly in those early days following the ex girlfriend breakup, you will need to carry on with the routines of your life.
That part of your social life that was previously filled with your ex girlfriend, is missing. You can’t walk around with that big hole in your life as it will constantly remind you of what you are missing. When you are out and about and talking it up with others, absolutely do not discuss or get baited into discussing your ex.
You are bound to have some really interesting personal interests such as reading, cooking, playing pool, watching movies, or playing tennis. Part of recovery is shaping your mind around old and new hobbies and other activities you enjoy. I strongly suggest you pick up at least one new hobby or activity and throw yourself into it. There are lot of kids who do not have good role models in their life and so he decided to volunteer some of his time to a local chapter that helped under privileged kids connect with role models.
You also become engaged with an activity that is constructive in positively shaping another person’s life. If you ask me, these are all personal development experiences that will not go unnoticed by the people around you…maybe even your ex. When I suggest personal developmental activities, it usually results in having multi faceted benefits. I discussed earlier about thinking twice about immediately rushing into another serious relationship right after you and your ex-girlfriend call it splits. But I do think that after some time has passed, it will likely prove advantageous for you to do some casual dating. Obviously, one benefit is that if your ex gf finds out about your casual dating habits, it may actually work to your advantage (i.e.
But if you re-enter the dating scene and it is surrounded with a lot of fanfare and juicy rumors, it may very well work against you. Just getting out there in the dating world, accompanied by some friends, can do wonders for your self esteem and attitude, even if the date is just very casual. But be careful not to get too caught up in the dating scene, because after all, your primary objective is to arouse some interest from your ex gf….not to anger her and cause the distance between the two of you to grow.
Well anyway, in this movie, “Being There”, Peter Sellers plays this guy whose name was Chance. Chance loved his garden and it was through that experience that he learned some valuable lessons about the world around him. And for the first time in his life, Chance embraces the strange world outside of the mansion. It is quite a movie to watch as everyone who Chance meets mistakens him for being someone who he is not. Chance was not a very bright man, but he had great insight into the importance of simplicity and staying on one’s true course in life.

Toward the end of the movie, Chance had met many people in the world from all walks of life, including the President of the United States. Chance was even mistaken for being a great Economist because when he talked about working in his garden, he spoke in terms of seasons and growth. That is all he needed to say to convince the political power brokers to nominate Chance for President of the United States as a new election was nearing. The last shot of the movie reveals Chance, who was a simple and patient man, actually appearing to walk on water.
And like the garden analogy, which Chance explains masterfully in the movie, first you must plant the seeds (i.e.
Not all seeds will germinate, but you employ patience and continue to sow your seeds until eventually one or more of your seeds sprouts to reveal some growth. This could take days, weeks, or months, but eventually there will be some growth from your efforts.
In our lives we go through different stages, just as there are seasons of a troubled relationship. Just as in the season of Fall, as the leaves turn in color and fall from high above, your relationship with your ex girlfriend can descend to lower depths . For a tree to prosper, winter is a period where the energy of the tree is focused on its roots. Your friends and social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter can be your “enablers”. These individuals and media platforms can be your co-conspirators as you hatch out your moves. It is unpredictable how your ex gf will respond to those efforts, but your friends can be coaxed to sprinkle out tidbits of information about you and the things you are now doing. Remember, no matter what your former girlfriend might tell herself on a conscious level, the subconscious is the ultimate truth machine. Let your social profile reveal that your life is moving forward, but you need to strike a balance.
And remember, it is likely she will be checking up on you via social media, irrespective of how ugly things may have gotten in the past. If they pass on little status updates about about you, it needs to come off as perfectly natural and not solicited by you.
You don’t want your friends passing on negative information such as you complaining about how awful she treated you. They should represent you as having never uttered a negative thing about your ex-girlfriend. If you have had no success in getting a response of any kind from your ex and you have tried all the tactics thus far discussed, then employ the Message in the Bottle strategy. Indeed, this strategy mitigates much of the risk because of it’s creative and novel approach. We just really never know what will cause your young lady to respond to you after you have made numerous attempts through conventional methods.
You can use WordPress to set up the website or work with one of those companies that will assist you in setting up the site. Be sure that whatever you post on the site is not going to create privacy issues or embarrass her.
Ideally, you can employ this effect in the first or even second meet-up with great results. When he was Bruce Wayne, he was a rather dull, superficial playboy, unable to form any lasting bonds with women.
But when he became Batman, the women around him were fascinated and drawn to him like a magnet.
They want to experience something exciting, thrilling, even somewhat frightful so long as there are boundaries. For example, walking through a haunted house can be fun, exciting, thrilling, and a bit scary.
I once took my wife up in a big hot air balloon and we were both found the entire experience to be thrilling and fulfilling in many ways. This chemical bath we end up experiencing is triggered by hormones that are released (oxytocin) which causes a profound desire to bond. But I am sure you can engineer an outing with your ex gf (along with some friends to play it safe) such that the two of you experience one of the thrills of your life. What you want to create in your ex girlfriend’s mind is this sense that your are gone and no one seems to know where you are.
Now, I am not suggesting you go off to an island and make friends with a soccer ball, called Watson. But with a little help from your friends, you can create this little drama of you being gone. How you respond to this message or phone call is the deal breaker, and depending on the way you two broke up, you can respond in many ways. Shamontiel VaughnChicago Relationships ExaminerInitially the idea of a single woman writing about relationships seemed like an odd idea to Shamontiel, but after being hired to write numerous wedding planning articles the topic of relationships intrigued her more. As the Super Bowl ends, getting relationships back on track beginsSince preseason started in 2015 there were teams playing their hearts out trying to be the ones who would be playing in Super Bowl 50. It is not easy to invest yourself into a young woman and then something happens and it all comes tumbling down. Chance literally lived only within the walls of the mansion and his favorite pastime was watching television. It will be readily apparent to your ex gf that you put a lot of thought and effort into it. You crossed her mind, and she obviously has something to say or else she wouldn’t have contacted you in the first place. If you still miss your ex, then it’s an opportunity to have a civilized, face-to-face conversation to find out just why you two broke up. Remember that at one time this was someone you cared enough about to be in a relationship with so there’s no need to treat him or her like filth once you’re out of the relationship. You may come up with some short term solutions only later to discover that the quick fix methods were futile.
But since your ex is using mysterious tactics to get your attention, ease your way into finding out. But as long as your ex isn’t dangerous or a stalker, hear this person out in a public place. If you’re one of the latter, don’t even humor this idea or you’ll be pressed into trying to make someone who doesn’t want you 100 percent a boyfriend again. Although relationships for her have always been a roller coaster ride, she tries her best to be as objective as possible. You stare at the email, or look at the notification that your ex is following you on Twitter or wants to be your friend on social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace. Are you disgusted at the idea that this person is still following you around even when you’ve broken up? It’s not a good idea to respond with a hostile “What do you want?” or “So what made you contact me?” If your ex wanted you to know why she contacted you, she’d have said that instead of telling you she doesn’t know why she hit you up. Curiosity will probably kill you anyway so eventually you’re more than likely going to want to know what it is your ex has to say. Either way, it’s probably best that you move on too unless you want to pull a Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World” and steal Whitley at the altar. I've been down this road before with The Rapper (you know who I'm talking about) and the Muscle Showboater (I don't know if you know who that is but contact me on Facebook if you don't). If you’re not interested in hearing from your ex, at least be sensitive to the fact that she took this step.
You can be the best woman in the world, but if sex is all he wants, don’t get mad later when you’re still at jump-off level.
But if she’s sending you a message like this to make you jealous, don’t play the childish games.
Keep the conversation light—“How are you?” “What’s new?” “I’m surprised to hear from you.” Let her initiate further conversation. If it’s not, let him down easy and explain that you’re not interested in conversing with him anymore. If you want to be sex buddies with this person and establish boundaries about what can and cannot be done, at least practice safe sex. If you miss him too and still have mixed feelings or strong feelings about him, have a serious conversation with your partner about what it would take to get over the past and build a future.
Although that person may say he’s being monogamous, he’s still got the flexibility to have sex with someone else and you can’t say he’s cheating on you or vice versa. If you know you’re going to end up trying to have a romantic or intimate relationship, don’t bother lying to your ex about being friends. You'd be surprised how many people break up, but after the heat dies down they still want to be together.
Remove yourself from that negative situation by not feeding into the soap operas of your ex again. Don’t end up with a child by someone who didn’t want to be in a relationship with you and wanted no attachment outside of a lick here and a pump there. Keep in mind you’re walking on dangerous ground if your new girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t secure in the relationship, and you will more than likely be constantly accused of cheating.

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Comments to «My ex girlfriend contacted me after 4 years»

  1. BAKU_OGLANI writes:
    Suggest you begin no contact and inform the.
  2. Vefasiz_Oldun writes:
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  3. S_a_d_i_s_T writes:
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  4. isyankar writes:
    Had made issues for her and.
  5. babi_girl writes:
    From numerous discussions with others and turning her against.