The end of a friendship is never easy – no matter where or how that friendship started. And so, when a friendship wavers, and culminates in something happening (a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, something), when words are exchanged heatedly, and you cross another line, one that you never imagined you’d come to. And you admit that sometimes, you go to her blog to lurk, just to see how she is, and what she’s been up to. Fill out this quick form if you’re interested in being a panelist on a future #BonfireChat. This is such a relevant topic Alison & GiGi, and I think there are a lot of people who will want to tune in to your chat (me, if it were not 3 in the morning).
And although I haven’t yet had a best friend breakup online, I have had a severing of ties with some, and even that has hurt a little. I am nursing the break up of an IRL friendship and before I read this I had just been gut punched by a FB update. Then she suddenly decided she didn’t like me, and railed against bloggers who wrote about parenting when they were only parents of toddlers, and publicly unfriended me.
Our technology today makes it just as hard to ignore people that are no longer in our lives. This is so relevant as we all become so involved in so many places online…those communities that brought us together become a place of pain. Oh I know, the wanting others to pick sides, and then just wishing you hadn’t wished that. I’m so sorry you’re sick, sweetie, but would love to have you at the Hangout if you can make it! That said, now I recognize what she did to me was a huge betrayal, and it impacted my life in a way that I don’t think other things would have. There just cannot be one thing without the other and even though it hurts now, I’m glad you got to experience the great feelings as well. Although we are used to friendships coming and going in real life, it is almost harder to accept that they can be fleeting online too.
I have yet to have this happen to me, but I can certainly picture it given that I’m a very strong personality, as are several of my online friends. I’m going to try to participate in the chat tonight because I think it sounds really interesting. It’s definitely changed, the spirit and nature of friendships between women, when it comes to the online version.
You’re right Tricia, I do believe we share more, much sooner, much quicker with our online friends, than we do with real life friends. I don’t doubt that a blogging friendship ending would be just as difficult as one that started IRL.

Yes, it is the intensity that somehow makes online friendships and breakups so much…. There are times I am shocked that friendships can be difficult and hairy even at my age- 38. Sorry if someone’s already mentioned this, but I think the hard thing about a fight or breakup involving an online relationship is being able to go back and dissect it. We write about how we invest our emotions and time with these people we only know through their words, and their avatars. I’ve been through it in real life, but in many ways I think an online breakup would be even harder because online friendships can be so intense.
It weighed on me heavily in the beginning, I replayed all the moments before we crossed that line into breakup, and I keep wondering if I could have handled it better.
Then you hate yourself for being selfish or petty..the blogosphere is big enough for everyone right? Even though she lives 2000 miles away and we don’t talk all the time, I would be devastated if we broke up.
I think part of that is because although we’ve had friends our entire life and naturally moved apart (or, not so naturally), online is relatively new comparatively.
I agree with every word and have felt the exact pangs, pinches and pains you’ve so beautifully described. Yes, Instagram is the one thing I had to unfollow because it was her real life, more so than Twitter or even her blog.
I’ve had a few break-ups like this with real-life friends but not with online friends (not yet, I imagine). Even if you chose not to speak to this person or they chose to avoid you, you’re physically in the same place you used to hang out.
We became toxic because we presented a level of honesty to each other that neither of us really wanted to face. Fortunately for me, although I am talking about it publicly, the breakup remains very private. I’ve drifted apart from people I used to be close to, but those just happened naturally. You don’t have to worry about bumping into her at the grocery store, or awkwardly avoiding eye contact at school pickup. I’ve never had an online friendship breakup but I know some who have ( one of those girls will be on the Bonfire Chat tonight) and it took an emotional toll on each one of them. And as Leslie said, the online ones are so intense because you often cut right through the superficial and get to the deep stuff.
I havent had any major online break ups thank goodness because I don’t think I could handle the stress of seeing that person EVERYWHERE.

And I don’t understand the passive-aggressiveness of FB updates that are directed at someone. I hope you’re in a better place today, than you were yesterday, and that tomorrow will be even more beautiful. It was more of a natural progression (some stopped blogging, some changed direction etc), so it was less painful, and not really a breakup, just going different ways. Haven’t really had to deal with it online, but its definitely a very real thing there as well.
I share more, sometimes, online than with my real friends and so sometimes those relationships go deeper and everything gets scary in the deep.
The officialness of unfriending on facebook, unfollowing on twitter, and instagram and everywhere else.
I’ve had many drift off too, it hurts less because it happened organically and naturally. I think you may know who I am talking about as it involved our blog bash and that third blogger. You’re right, open and honest communication is absolutely necessary to avoid these situations. And then, of course, with a IRL friend, you can convince yourself that one or the other of you didn’t say something in a certain way or tone when you really did. I can’t imagine what it would be like now given the intensity of online friends and social media.
Also, you’re probably still spending the time you would have spent together at that same place. We celebrate their joys such as marriages, births, job promotions, book launches, new businesses. So now you have the same time block, same location and probably things to share (inside jokes and stories) but you don’t have that person any more. We hold their virtual hands and offer virtual shoulders when they suffer losses, divorce, breakups, failures.
You wonder if just like you, she realizes with a pang that she no longer has you to ping, when she has something she wants to tell someone about.
Sometimes I write a post and the other person will tweet a negative response directly connected to my post.

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Comments to «Online friend suicidal 2014»

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