It was my first boyfriend and after about 6 months of dating, he walked me to class, handed me a note and that was it. He dumped me to “spend more time with his friends” which the next day I found out really meant he wanted to date a cute freshman that had been flirting with him.Then when I was 30, my husband dumped me. So, it’s fair to say I’ve had some experience in this department.(BTW, this is sounding like I’m a total hot mess, no?)However, this post isn’t about poor me and all the boys that have broken my heart. Over the last few years I’ve received many emails from women all over the world, pouring out their hearts about some guy that dumped them.
They tell me everything they did for this guy, that they are so broken hearted and they end the email with “please help me, what should I do?”While every situation is unique, I’ve compiled a list of things that in retrospect, I’ve learned. Don’t google him, don’t drive by his house, don’t send him innocent “hi” texts, don’t tell your friend to tell him you’ve been thinking of him, nothing. Do you think any of this is helping you heal, or helping him want to be with you, or helping anything?
Truth: The only thing you’re getting out of this is feeling worse about yourself and your situation. I went to therapy, read self-help books, joined support groups, all the things I was supposed to do during a divorce. When people said, “The only thing that will heal you is time” I wanted to get all Chuck Norris on them and punch them in the face. I rushed through the healing process like a banshee and celebrated each month that went by, because to me it signified that I was that much better. I was FURIOUS that I had been set back, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I cried and frantically called my therapist. Left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, start scheming up ways to get him back, start plotting revenge or other non-healthy schenannigans.
Call all those people you’ve been meaning to call, start that new exercise thing you’ve been wanting to do, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer where your heart tells you to, anything. You might be thinking, “Well, I learned that he’s a major asshole”, and that’s fine, but I want you to focus on YOU. Truth: Your ex may very well be confused, but he’s also getting his ego rubbed by you sticking around pining for him while he figures out if he wants to be with you or not. If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9% sure he wants to be with you, leave his ass. He may be a master at giving you one glimmer of hope that sooner or later he’ll want to be  with you, but in the meantime it’s your heart that is being abused, neglected and disrespected. Truth: He’s sleeping with you because you’re willing, not because he’s thinking about getting back together.


I don’t care what kind of new tricks you’re showing off in the boudiour, he’s only in it for the s-e-x. What you’re getting is confusion, false hope, emotional chaos and maybe an STD because he’s probably dating other women. If you can truthfully say you have absolutely no emotional attachment to him at all, and it doesn’t hurt one bit, knock yourself out.
It doesn’t have to mean that you still want to be with your ex, or still have feelings for that person.
If the thoughts of your ex send you tailspinning into grief, or hating yourself for what you did in the relationship or because he broke up with you, that’s where it can get dangerous (see #9).
To experience the lonliness, to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. Truth: You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or him. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet.
I’ve written about this several times before, and even started a revolution with my BFF on the topic of self love. The thing is, we get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves. It might seem easier to try to control the other person, and to think “if only we didn’t break up- THEN I would be happy”. How you view yourself, how you feel about yourself and the conversation you’re having inside your head about you, is a million times more important than any outside relationship. I’ve followed lots recently, but always ignored the bit where the writer says cut yourself off from your ex.
For some reason the bit where you erode if he doesn’t 99.9 % want the relationship then leave his ass was wat needed!
Hopefully this gas given me the strength I needed to to Do so thanks x Alanda on January 26, 2013 at 12:03 am Thank you for this post! Literally crying myself to sleep every night, and sobbing while deleting all of our pictures we took together.
I thought I was getting over it, but the wave of grief and self pity that happened upon deciding to sever communications definitely cleared that up. As this is my first huge breakup, I had no idea there was a world of people out there experiencing such pain…I will never be insensitive again.
Thank you Anna on June 7, 2013 at 10:11 am _ I have been with my ex boyfriend for over 3 years.


It was clear he didnt care much about getting me back seeing how he didnt do anything to get me back . And now that I am finally done , he laughs in my face and tells me he did everything and that im not worth it . He came to my house to tell me he wants to talk and didnt say a word until 5 minutes before I had to go to work . IM graduating from highschool in a couple of days, and he was my prom date , but i guess things change.
Im going through a break up and although it is a grief process, i know, i really have been trying to use it as a time to reflect on myself and the situation. I just miss my little family – it was comfortable and good (well not always) but now in my mid 50ties, I feel that there is nothing good coming. Please help me I feel like I should go to be with my son but like I said I feel abused neglected and in turn I don’t even have my family to help me. They want me to help myself but I don’t drive I am unemployed since break up and almost feel like not doing anything is the only thing I can do. No motivation and noneone will even give me help I feel like ive been screaming for it for months now and all that got me was a DV with my brother that neither one of is violent people stuff just happens more stress more typing sorry. Help me decide see son ignore abuse or sit here in this bated town and rot either I feel will be the end of my ride. Except during our softmore year we had a really big tradgey and one of his close friends died and he changed.
Than my grandpa died the same year right after my birthday it was really hard for me and my family. I am have been separated for 2 years from my Husband Divorced officially since August so only 4 months but I feel like even though I have done everything everyone says I should do I am still not over him. I thought I was past the grieving part and then I started dreaming about him and the dreams keep coming.
I cant say I have done my share of mistakes along the grieving and letting go phase but I am trying.



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Comments to «Ways to get my ex husband back 2014»

  1. Ameno writes:
    Of course, your ex is not your arms.
  2. TuralGunesli writes:
    More of an uphill battle if you need to get your Ex again heathly??I just miss.
  3. Dj_SkypeGirl writes:
    Getting out into the social scene, meet possibilities that.
  4. NEITRINO writes:
    Again when he just needs to be buddies smartphone, iPod or pill.