Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back by Stephen Arterburn, Jason B. Enabling JavaScript in your browser will allow you to experience all the features of our site. With patient, loving, self-sacrificing effort, it’s possible that one day your wife will risk her heart with you again. Along with Stephen Arterburn, Jason offers exercises and tools rooted in counseling principles to help your marriage begin again. My marriage would not have survived without God’s grace and the wisdom and essential guidance found in Worthy of Her Trust. He learned and continues to implement the amends matrix, and he has kept 242 days of the T-30 journal. By sharing his compassion and insight, he has opened the door for true transformation and growth. Unfortunately, amid the stress and hopeless feelings of a trustless relationship, many men hit the Eject button. The odds appear so stacked against them, they write off the relationship regardless of how many years have been invested. There is very little attempt at restoration, much less the full investment of time and energy required for such a venture.

It is terribly sad, because truth be told, these men don’t really know if divorce has to be the final outcome.
Someday it would be possible that she’d have more respect and adoration for him than ever before. Some of the pieces include time, energy, planning, vision, willingness, creativity, persistence, patience, intentionality, hope, failure, and commitment. What is required of the trust builder is to continue to faithfully place pieces into the structure, not haphazardly, but methodically. This rule is a mutual agreement between us that Shelley can call me at any time and expect me to answer the phone.
Beyond that time frame, Shelley has the right to immediately think the worst and assume I am again betraying God, her, and our relationship.
She didn’t say anything, but the look on her face revealed skepticism that it could be that simple. Every phone call I get from Shelley gives me an opportunity to place a Lego on our trust sculpture. Every time I pick up her call, and she verifies my whereabouts, or every time I return her call within the time window, a small element of trust is built. Shelley came to terms with the reality that she would be okay even if everything in life weren’t okay.

Even if I was not trustworthy and never placed another Lego on our relational work of art, she would be okay. If both Shelley and I lean on him for our journey of rebuilding our relationship, then neither of us must lean against each other. If we’re leaning on each other for our ultimate source of strength and comfort, we will disappoint each other. If we are counting on our spouse to ultimately fulfill, complete, and restore us, we will be perpetually disappointed. We will long for the next relationship, which by chance might be better, easier, more fulfilling, more exciting, or more secure.
These are sitcom snapshots of how forgiveness and trust should look, and we are coached on how to respond to our spouse when things don’t go well. In the unreal entertainment world, any relational damage is quickly patched up in an episode or two. If that’s what you think, let me tell you straight that real life and real healing are nothing like that.

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