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Cheese is about more than just wacky production values and irony-free presentation that results from the aggressive marketing of sex. Yes, it’s hard to believe, but there was a time when being a romance novel coverboy was not thought to be much of a career stepping stone.
Technically, he should inspire a rod in all of us, given that he possesses basically every feature we would find attractive but like, say, David Hasselhoff or one of those Billy Dolls, there’s so much solipsistic perfection there that he ceases to be humanly accessible. It didn’t matter if you preferred the compact, chiseled Luke to the strapping, curvaceous Bo. It was Deliverance (right) that showcased him at his physical peak before the long slide into fromage oblivion. Had Jean-Claude not been blessed with the ability to spin kick a man’s head off, he certainly would have found fame in Bel Ami-style gay porn. Girls forever waste time debating their good-boy-on-bad-bay dialectic; for the gays, there is no choice, because we want them both. Forget Ken, Big Jim, or the Jack Wrangler signature dildo — our greatest plastic icon gay icon is He-Man.


Contemporary gay porn stars largely share a mass-produced, synthetic quality, but none possess the artificial, ersatz persona that Le Stryker does. About us Nightcharm publishes fun topics relative to gay men: Art, sex, humor, fashion, erotica and spirituality.
Import charges previously quoted are subject to change if you increase you maximum bid amount. These two were in the zone as they smiled while driving, smiled while running from crooks, smiled while helping people with their personal problems. One is simply born cheesy, which would account for the man easily being mistaken for Andre Bolla in any context. It can make a career or it can break a career, and such is the case with the spectacular fall of Burt Reynolds.
Macho, brimming with intensity, Colt-worthy, wetsuit-clad, and sloe-eyed sexy — this is a man with star quality, essentially Paul Barresi gone mainstream.
Seriously, look at him in say, Cyborg and tell me there isn’t a Lukas Ridgeston thing going on there. With his Thunderbirds hair, voice seemingly dubbed in from a Terrytoons Li’l Abner short, body by Mattel, and dick courtesy of Dr. If you reside in an EU member state besides UK, import VAT on this purchase is not recoverable.
Compare Cleopatra to Kim Kim Kardashian (the Angelyne of her time?) or Michelangelo’s David to a Big John Blow-Up Doll. Maybe it’s not even truly possible to love a man so multi-faceted that he can balance being a model, actor, author, TV presenter, spoken word philosopher, and (appropriately enough) spokesperson for butter substitute. Being the highest-paid man in show biz can be a curse, especially if your success arrives courtesy of a barrage of awful car-themed ’70s howlers.
Alas, cheese-smothered celebrity is a Faustian bargain, and all that potential ended up squandered in redneck cinema and physical decay.


As a dorky, earnest, divided gay champion, He-Man is pure Easy Cheese Messiah, and yet despite his role as a gay totem, he remains near-impossible to humanly manifest. Frankenstein, he’s virtually impossible to envision in any sort of mundane setting or encounter.
In the future, when mankind as we know it has vanished and new races uncover some remnant of our time they take as divine, let it be Stryker’s pouting visage carved into their holy mountain. For every ethereal male icon we gay men put on a pedestal, there are any number of cheesy heartthrobs parked on their asses back in the cheap seats. Of all these men, none embodied glorious Euro Cheese like the peerless, perpetually Speedo-clad Jean-Claude Van Damme did. However, if I had to choose, then studly, ageless Mark-Paul Gosselaar is clearly the better bet. Dolph Lundgren (right) tried gamely but couldn’t quite capture his essence, and with plans for a new movie adaptation perpetually in the works, who will be the man?
Not all male objection is cheese; even in the goofiest of get-ups, a classically-featured Francois Sagat will still maintain a cool mystique.
And what about the daring fifth season plot arc in which the cousins — in a mind-bending turn predating Mulholland Dr. No one expects much in the way of grace or poise from pro athletes, yet Deion succeeded in bringing the soft bigotry of low expectations to a whole new nadir. I don’t think any known face could pull it off, so that leaves jizz-drenched David Kadera to frankly perfectly materialize the bulky fuckability and cheery innocence to do the character justice.
This is the sort of cheesy demi-celebrity that’s equipped with an exercise DVD, over-produced pop single, calendar, and QVC-launched fragrance to tide you over while you contemplate going hardcore as Titan and C1R try to outbid each other.



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