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Ever since I was about six or seven years old I wanted to be able to solve the Rubik’s cube.
This is part three of the five part series of my favorite life coaching concepts of all time.
Powerful questions are the tools that coaches use to point clients towards areas of their lives which they have not yet explored. 1) Powerful questions are questions that you use as a coach that are curious about your client, for your client’s sake.
Those are the four characteristics of simple, curious questions that make them so powerful.
One of our problems as parents is that we treat our kids’ defiance as if it is entirely bad.
What if instead of a thinking of defiance as a problem we saw it as evidence of a gift God put in our children, coming out in unrefined, selfish,  or sinful ways?
What if our job was not to make defiance go away, but to affirm and re-purpose those talents after the pattern of Jesus’ defiance? To read more about dealing with kids’ defiance, check out this post on kids talking back. If you’re feeling stuck or want more specific one-on-one help, check out our coaching options.
At Connected Families, we often talk and write about these kinds of questions because having a vision of what kind of family you want to be can change everything.
One great way to work together to have a shared vision for your family is to choose a family Bible verse!
You see, in a world of constant images and sound bites, it’s not enough to have great resources.
As we embark on this journey with them, the more creative and non-judgmental we are, the more they can learn.
Today we’ll look at how to approach teaching kids empathy from the last two principles in our Framework: Coach and Correct. Every child is capable of learning empathy, but it can be quite difficult to learn (especially if your child is experiencing a lot of anxiety and stress in life). In fact, often we expect our kids to just “know” how to be empathetic, even when things are stressful. If our kids really could respond insightfully at that point, they might say something like this: “Regretfully, I don’t know how my sibling feels. We learned some practical ways to help all our kids develop the rich emotional insight that has equipped them for wonderful relationships in life – with each other and others.
Let’s take a look at how each level of the Framework informs our approach to developing empathy in our kids.
Recently we received this story from Joel and Amy Nelson, parents of two sons, who have previously shared their story here.

Parenting may not come with a manual, but I sure have read a lot of the parenting books out there!
This logic was all well and good, except when I was not in a good place to address the situation calmly because of what was going on inside of me – exasperation, frustration, or just plain being tired and worn out from a day.
If you continue to parent out of frustration, anger, and angst, the issues you’re experiencing won’t go away.
When you see your child doing something hurtful, it’s second nature to want to jump in and correct the behavior immediately!
We are about to begin a trial run of our new Sibling Conflict online course with a beta group. Please pray that the launch would go well and that parents would be encouraged and provide helpful feedback in preparation for the public launch. We’ve recently begun some initial work to connect with Christian schools and preschools about offering the Discipline that Connects Online Course to their parents. Check out our prayer page to see these and other prayer requests or to share your prayer requests with us.
What People Are SayingAs a mom of a 3 yr old and 1 yr old, I've been so inspired and impacted by your ministry.  This is the type of parent I want to be--one that ultimately draws my child close to God! I am SUCH a fan of Connected Families and the teaching you give us parents - it's so biblically sound that it works on my spiritual journey as well as my parenting at the same time - Love it! Here are ten questions you can start your year with.  These questions can be used to help you re-focus and set some meaningful goals for 2011.
Academic Life Coaching is my passion, and at the core of the ALC 1.0 training program is the Essential Coach Training.
I think both are fantastic terms to be used for the kinds of questions that are most effective in moving your coaching client forward.
The right question asks your client to consider something she or he has never considered, yet once brought to consciousness helps clarify and shed light onto characteristics, skills, or values that your client holds dear. In other words you are listening in level two, and you find yourself curious for your client’s sake with something that you think your client may or may not have already considered. I normally don’t add this as a characteristic but I am adding silence as a characteristic for powerful questions simply because I want to emphasize it. As you work through sessions with your client, see how these four characteristics come into play. My hope one day is that every teacher has a life coach training foundation as part of her or his teacher training, and that students starting ninth grade experience the power and value of positive psychology and life coaching concepts. First impressions are a really big deal in the internet world and this is where your help comes in.
It should capture parents’ best hopes while speaking well into their current reality. Of the options below, which one most compels you to click and learn more about Connected Families? This allows us to walk alongside them in the vulnerable journey of learning about emotions and empathy for others.

In the heat of conflict, I may ask, “Do you know how [your sibling] feels right now!?” and expect my child to be able to give an insightful answer.
Our oldest son, Daniel, was dealing with the stress of an extremely gifted brain and intense emotions. The framework that guided us in our early years was particularly helpful in this challenge of developing empathy. One common message that I encountered in my reading was, in all that you do, “be consistent”.
Please pray for God’s anointing as we take the Discipline that Connects message to the West Coast.
Thank you for your ministry and for the thoughtful and helpful insights you bring--they're scriptural and practical and encouraging!  I'm telling all my friends!
When parenting happens from the bottom to the top, it changes even the most challenging family dynamics. Then ask a question based on your curiosity and what will help your client to gain a deeper understanding.
We send between 1 - 3 original parenting tips per week, plus an occasional notice about offers or products. The importance of open questions is to allow your client to explore, and it gives them space to go whenever they most need to go. You want your client talking for 90% of life coaching session, and asking short, concise questions is the way to get that to happen. Time to think is precious, and the rarity of it makes it very valuable in a coaching session. Bethany generally understood others’ feelings but had difficulty verbalizing her own during conflict resolution.
When you ask a closed-ended question, you are limiting the options that your client has to explore. Just the simple act of waiting in silence for your client to speak, without judgement, provides tremendous value and a unique experience.
In polite, adult conversation people often take closed-ended questions as invitations to continue to explore. It also opens up the floor for your client to add more to the conversation and delve deeper into their own learning.
However, if you are working with teens and students, many times teenagers take advantage of the closed-ended question and only answer yes, no or I don’t know. You scroll through, looking for something new and fresh that speaks to the heart of what you’re feeling and wanting.

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