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Here is the experience of becoming pro-active in response to bullying as seen on the enneagram or the NTS. Assertiveness training is necessary in order to train the Attention to act according to Human Rights Values (point-four) and the Golden Rule (point-eight).
The important factor at point-six is Will Power, but it may be in the form of Help or Assistance from Bystanders. Now, if through role playing and attention building exercises, we teach, instruct, impart and transfer the knowledge and understanding from the enneagram above to our selves and our students, we can expect to reverse the bullying cycle. Using the NTS (Nine Term Symbol or Enneagram) it is possible to see exactly which part of the process are lacking and need training for any given student or situation. Point-three, which is The Self, has to do with the real human being and not their acquired personality. What ever level of understanding of the Golden Rule or level of Self Confidence or degree of Help (and so on for every point around the NTS) will determine the outcome of the situation and how intentionally a person can act given the forces from the bully. The course material provides core knowledge and skills around how to be assertive to build confidence and effectiveness. 3 steps to assertive behaviour to encourage others to ‘give of their best’ and to produce workable compromises. Skill practice in dealing confidently with situations at work that require a degree of assertiveness. ABC Training Solutions LtdBryan Edwards, Founder of ABC Training Solutions Ltd, has over 25 years experience of interpersonal and managerial skills training in commercial and non-commercial organisations. If you’ve come here for the link to the free Assertiveness Webinar please click here. Sometimes we refuse to say what we think because we don’t know how to say it without hurting the feelings of those around us. Today’s podcast guest is talking about assertiveness training, or how you can learn to say “No” and stand up for yourself without damaging your business relationships.
Our guest’s name is Kerry-Anne Cassidy (we recorded another great podcast together in the past) – a leadership, learning and development specialist. She is of the opinion that “assertiveness can float through all areas of life; it is not something we use daily, but a lot of us could be using it more frequently”. Another reason why people refuse to stand up for themselves is because of bad prior experiences that are causing us to fear the reactions of those around us. Our brain is so clever, that all we have to do is learn to understand it and be able to recognize the symptoms and signals. Instead, we’re using assertiveness because we realize that, unless we stand up and speak for ourselves and what we want in our business, our reputation will suffer. You generally have to speak up at times that you do not feel comfortable, but you have to do it in a positive way trying not to hurt the ones around you. What are the tools for saying “No” in a way that moves you ahead in business and builds relationships? The Assertiveness Profile reveals an individual's use of four distinct assertiveness styles.
You see, I LOVE more than anything teaching people to empower themselves and to live the life they have dreamed of but felt like they may not quite achieve. When I moved from Johannesburg to Australia a few year’s ago, I created the perfect storm for myself with the best of intentions but the unintentional consequences of not fully understanding what I was getting myself into. You see, I had been surrounded by friends, loved ones; established professionally in a leadership, learning and development community where I was recognised, sought out and handsomely rewarded. Then I met and fell in love with a wonderful man who happened to live on the other side of the world! Idealistically speaking, I honestly thought that due to my experience in working and training people in remote African countries that most people have never had the opportunity of visiting and having succeeded in making a difference in their lives through training and development, I could fit into a culture that at least had a lot more similarities than the communities I had worked in.

Very soon, I found myself on the end of misunderstandings which deteriorated into mistrust and suspicion and ultimately led to me being offered the door. It was a devastating event in my life  and one that left me with little self-esteem, unsure of who I was, broken and angry at this new land in which I lived. I have learnt that even though I may not like difficult conversations, they are the conversations that deepen relationships when done with positive intentions and self-control.
I have learnt that I cannot take for granted that people know and like me straight-up and that I have to set solid boundaries and guidelines upfront to ensure positive relationships can occur. I have learnt that I am responsible for no one other than my thoughts, feelings, words and actions.
A 30 minute coaching opportunity is included in your online programme – offered either during or after completing the programme! At Skill Junction we are passionate about providing real value and practical solutions to help you grow in your career. This popular subject for people and businesses has been a popular choice from our clients and can be delivered within personal development programmes or as a subject in its own right. We have developed our content to ensure that what we deliver is really focussed on people being able to leave the training with a clear plan of what they are going to differently and clarity on how they will implement what they have learnt. To find out more about how our Assertiveness course can benefit your organisation and be tailored to suit your exact needs, talk to us today on 01558 668878 or click below to arrange a call back.
Testimonials“Business in Focus has been working with Hawk Associates since 1997 and throughout this time they have proven to be a first class provider of training and management development. Confidence is inspired by the clarity of one’s purpose and resilience to keep giving his best. Without training, we assume people can simply do what they are shown through words (basically what they are told) and what they are shown through other media.
Will Power, Conscience and Help can all be understood as aspects of what enters the process at point-six. Self Confidence is a buzz word, and the closer a person comes to essence, the more true self confidence they attain naturally. It clarifies the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness at work, helps understand the impact of communication on others and provides key tactics and processes in verbal and non-verbal communication.
When you’re in business, not knowing how to say “No” in a diplomatic way can really hurt your professional relationships. Assertiveness training is all about knowing how to speak up and at the same time boost the relationship you have with others. Kerry-Anne has been helping people to get ahead in work, business and personal life for 18 years. So by having bad past experiences we trained our brains to “freeze”; what happens is our brains are set off and we don’t know how to deal with the situation.
If you’ve been experiencing these situations in the past or if you are still struggling to overcome these feelings, then assertiveness training is what you need. This time will  allow your brain to think through and come up with better solutions for your self-esteem, relationships, social life.
The second step: irreversible of how other people respond to your assertiveness, you deepen the relationship with them. The third step is the effect assertiveness has on you: you gain confidence and posture (listen to the podcast to learn more about posture and its importance during a business meeting or interview). Because a lot of the time our feelings and thinking gets in the way – you see, we have self-perpetuating habits and patterns that hold us back. But, people can not act until all of these points and inner lines of the Compass (the six labeled lines inside the circle) are working together. What comes in at point-six and how we define it depends on the situation and on the people involved.
In short, the course helps delegates to get their point across in a polite, respectful, persuasive manner (without feeling guilty).

If you want to listen to the entire podcast interview, press the Play button underneath this article’s title. We fear rejection; we need to be connected with other human beings, and we realize that by saying “No” to them we risk losing that relationship.
Through assertiveness training you are learning how to communicate your point of view without hurting those around you.
A passive-aggressive attitude will affect your self-esteem and it can bring you on the verge of depression.
Ok, who am I kidding, of course I go from my gut and tell it like it is from my point of view – and its not very nice for the other person to hear! Well, people can try, we can pretend, we can do something, but our actions will not be effective until all of these parts come together into one whole system. While it will often allow individuals to meet short-term aims in the longer run it will cause increasing disfunction.Our communication and assertiveness trainers have many years of experience in showing people how to develop their communication style to allow them to communicate in a clear and relaxed manner. Again, role playing as a means of assertivness training can help the student and the adults with this action of aiding the development of self confidence. We are focused on ensuring that when you return to work there has been a clear, noticeable improvement on your communication skills.
That means that we not only explain the key skills of clear and assertive communication in this training course but also move quickly to get people practising these skills. Learning to communicate assertively and clearly is a practical skill and as a result this course is unashamedly hands-on. It covers the key concepts and skills that delegates will need to be comfortable with but then gets people practising those skills. We use a variety of role plays and other scenarios to ensure that our delegates all practice these skills.Also people often approach business interactions, especially more difficult ones, with a clear idea in their mind of what they will say and how they will communicate it.
They then find that during the conversation they lose their confidence or find it difficult to get their point clearly heard and understand.
We then work through ways that these issues can be addressed and also look at strategies that may be useful when working with difficult people.Being able to communicate clearly and assertively is a key career skill. All employees, whether manager or team member, need to ensure that their needs and issues are clearly communicated to other people. It means feeling able to expressing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a direct and honest way and being able to respond in an appropriate way to people who do not agree with you. As a result they tend to place greater weight on the wants and feelings of others than they do on their own. As a consequence they fail to communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly to others, especially when the other part is expressing an opinion or desire that they do not agree with.
They do this in the hope that they will please the other party, however it means that they allow others to make decision form them and to lead them.By responding passively individuals will also often portray themselves as less decisive.
This actually creates a less positive image of them and may make them feel less confident in their opinions.
In addition, passive behaviour can often lead to treatment by others that reinforces this passive behaviour. In turn this leads to being treated less well, and as a consequence further erodes someone’s self-esteem and confidence. It can be exhibited in a number of ways from unduly rushing somebody, ignoring someone, instructing someone rather than asking them or simply failing to take into account someone else’s feelings. As a result an aggressive communicator will very rarely praise or consider others and when responding will often put others down.

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