Just because you get married doesn't mean you automatically have marriage communication skills.
One problem many people have is that they bring communication skills from other situations into their marriage, assuming they will be effective. The best technique to shift away from the win-lose mentality is to practice mutual compromise.
If you need to bring up a sensitive subject with your spouse, start by mentioning the positive.
Use the example of the dirty dishes in the following scenario: Your spouse not cleaning the dishes has bothered you for a long time and one day you yell at your spouse for not cleaning them. Sitting on the couch together in silence while you watch TV does not constitute communication. A lot of stress in marriage comes from not recognizing the differences between men and women. In addition to the volume of communication, men and women often differ in what they seek from a conversation. One of the worst mistakes you can make when communicating with your spouse is to resort to name calling or other forms of emotional abuse. This activity is best conducted with part assistance to ensure that family values, rules, and expectations of social and communication behaviors are incorporated. To help students understand the boundaries of their conversational behavior with different classifications of people.
Use the topics listed by incorporating them into a Decision Making Guide to determine the pros and cons of each.
Learn the 4 Keys to Effective Communication – Empathic Awareness, Listening, Speaking and Dialogue – to Enrich ALL Your Relationships!
I created this website to focus on the core skill of Empathy which is essential in having Effective Interpersonal Communication and in building Healthy Relationships at home, work, anywhere. Questions: Have you tried listening to someone only to have your mind wander off in another direction while they were speaking to you? Have you spoken to someone only to wish you had said it better so they would be open to listen and receive it? This website is a how-to site for understanding, learning, practicing, and owning these essential communication skills.
A mastery of these 4 Skills–Empathic Awareness, Listening, Speaking, and Dialogue–can transform your relationships and help bring the success you seek in life! This interactive workshop covers the key relationship skills of Empathic Awareness, Listening, Speaking, and Dialogue. We are a group of couples in and around San Jose, California who believe in marriage.

The Silicon Valley Chapter sponsors four meetings per year where marriage enrichment is the topic.
When you ask me questions to make sure you’ve heard me and know what I am saying, then I feel connected. Take our Couple Checkup - put your relationship on strong foundations by checking out the strengths and growth areas!
For example, at work you may need to be aggressive and pushy to get your opinion across, to make the sale or to be noticed by your boss.
Instead of trying to get your way in a situation, look for ways in which both of you can agree. For example, let's say your husband or wife often leaves the dishes in the sink without washing them.
If you are upset about something that your spouse has done, wait for a good time to talk about it. For example, after working all day, many women like to talk about the details of their day. Conflicts will come and go within your marriage, but hurtful words will remain long after a disagreement is resolved.
You probably have, but don’t worry, these are common, everyday problems in communication.
I teach and model each skill, and then you practice the skill in class by couple or in pairs. It gave me a new perspective on how to think and feel about the people I want to relate to and with what mindset to deal with them.
It’s consciously Recognizing and Valuing the other person – their Presence, their Nature, Heart, and Spirit. Equally important, we have a number of small groups that meet regularly at someone's house to work on our marriages, within the safe circle of other like minded couples.
They communicate a lack of interest, a superior or self centred attitude or a desire to fix my problems, when all I really want is to be heard, accepted and understood. Thankfully, learning to effectively communicate isn't too difficult, and the opportunity to practice is available every day. Instead of criticizing, first mention that you appreciate the ways in which your spouse contributes to cleaning the house.
While he or she should have made an effort to clean up, your spouse doesn't know how important the dishes are to you unless you say something. This doesn't mean you should sell your TV, but some quality time together talking will definitely improve your marriage.

And they lead to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, and sometimes even failed relationships. We need to set aside our own opinions, agendas and internal conversations to really try to understand what our loved one is trying to communicate to us.
Often I don’t want the answers, just to be listened to so I can work through things for myself and make my own choices.
So, the first step to effective marriage communication is to realize that your marriage requires a different way of communicating. After the positive is established, then discuss how you would like more of an effort made toward cleaning the dishes.
Don't wait until you are mad to share your feelings, let it be known early so an agreement can be made before the issue becomes emotional.
Waiting until after dinner when both of you are more relaxed will diffuse the situation and make your spouse more receptive to your needs and wants. What they want when venting is to be genuinely heard and to feel their spouse has sympathy for them. Instead of nagging men to talk more, stroke their ego a bit and reward them when they do express emotion. It may seem like you can win an argument with your spouse, but having a win or lose mentality will result in both of you losing. If a wife tells her husband how brave he is for being emotionally vulnerable, it will make him feel more masculine and encourage him to open up more often. Such an attitude creates a sense of inclusion with others, rather than separateness or distance.
What I have to say to you obviously doesn’t matter – you have let other things distract you. Empathic Awareness enlarges who you are as a person and increases your sense of caring for others. A husband should learn to listen before offering solutions and a wife should appreciate her husband's solutions as his way of expressing love and care.

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