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Kristin Neff is a professor at the University of Texas at Austin and the author of Self-Compassion. More than that, maintaining self-esteem all the time is impossible unless you’re delusional. But you’ve read plenty of stuff on these here interwebz about raising self-esteem, right?
California set up a task force and gave it $250,000 a year to raise children’s self-esteem. They expected this to boost grades and reduce bullying, crime, teen pregnancy and drug abuse. Guess what? Reports on the efficacy of California’s self-esteem initiative, for instance, suggest that it was a total failure. In one influential review of the self-esteem literature, it was concluded that high self-esteem actually did not improve academic achievement or job performance or leadership skills or prevent children from smoking, drinking, taking drugs, and engaging in early sex. This emphasis on high self-esteem at all costs has also led to a worrying trend toward increasing narcissism. Research shows increasing self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem — but without the downsides. The bottom line is that according to the science, self-compassion appears to offer the same advantages as high self-esteem, with no discernible downsides. Another study required people to imagine being in potentially embarrassing situations: being on a sports team and blowing a big game, for instance, or performing in a play and forgetting one’s lines. Research also shows self-compassion even makes you less likely to procrastinate. It also boosts happiness and reduces stress. The results of our study indicated that self-compassionate people did in fact have happier and more satisfying romantic relationships than those who lacked self-compassion. A lot of people assume that self-compassion means being weak and wimpy when, in fact, one study found that those veterans who had higher levels of self-compassion were much less likely to develop PTSD.
I assumed that people who were higher in self-compassion would also be higher in compassion for others.
And when you are mean to others it frequently gets corrected quickly — people fight back. But when you beat yourself up, whose job is it to defend you?
Talking to yourself out loud can make you smarter, improve your memory, help you focus and even increase athletic performance. Practitioners first instruct patients to generate an image of a safe place to help counter any fears that may arise. As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. What do you make of a situation where the confidence(I believe it was false confidence to begin with, show if will) has waned. I want to help people (just like you) learn how to be more confident and to understand what it is God wants you to do with your life. I believe God has created people in his own image to glorify him, to live for his glory, and to do things that honor and please him.
And so, when I think about these issues and who it is that’s out there searching for something, trying to find out what their purpose is in life, what God wants them to do, how God has equipped them to live, and maybe the business that God wants them to start, or the ministry that God wants them to flourish in…what is that person looking for? I want people to understand that God expects us to be extraordinary in this world because, for anyone who has been created in God’s image—and that is everybody—but anybody who has trusted in Christ Jesus alone—and those are Christians—God has come to abide in us. I just can’t see God trying to abide in somebody, having equipped them with spiritual gifts, just to go walking through life creating mediocrity.
In our culture, and even in online media and so forth, we spend too much time trying to “figure it out,” when you’re not supposed to have it figured out!

And I believe that as you are doing this, as you are putting yourself out there, stepping just a little bit outside the comfort zone with each and every day, God not only unfolds the plan but that he motivates you in that plan. In fact, the person who does not have confidence to go through life is the person who is relying on their own personal strength, their own ingenuity, and their own resources, rather than relying upon God. I want to tell you that one of the things I’ve come to understand, even right now as I pastor a church, is that I am absolutely timid. I’m somewhere in the middle, and there are times in which I lean toward extroversion and there are other times when I find myself leaning toward being an introvert. But here’s what you need to do and here’s what I had to learn for myself: You just have to put yourself out there!
I’m absolutely convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, based upon what Holy Scripture teaches us, that when we walk by faith and not by sight, God is the one getting the glory. I try to help people understand what it is God expects of them; how God intends to use them for his glory. And even if life doesn’t go exactly as you’d like it to go, have no fear because God is still seated on the throne, watching over you.
Even a billion years from today, when you are basting in the glorious presence of almighty God and you are worshipping at the feet of the Savior, these few fleeting moments of restlessness here in this world are going to seem so far away and so utterly ridiculous. As we travel there together, and we’re holding hands at the top of this mountain, we’ll begin to look out into the horizon of what God’s purpose for your life truly is, and I know that you are going to be in absolute satisfaction—whatever it is—knowing that God has called you for this very purpose.
And the greatest joy that a Christian can ever have in this world is knowing that he or she is living for God’s glory while living in his will.
Written by Charles SpechtAbout Charles SpechtMy mission is to encourage, motivate, and offer Simple Habits to Help You Achieve a Lifestyle of God-Honoring Greatness.
Then, I share how you too can live a happy and fulfilled life in my weekly email newsletter, which you can subscribe to while also downloading a free copy of my latest ebook (AMBITIOUS: 7 Keys to Living a Life of Extraordinary Greatness). But we’ve all been led to believe that self-confidence or self-esteem is the answer to everything. We basically like ourselves and we judge ourselves positively when we succeed and when we do well. If anything, high self-esteem appears to be the consequence rather than the cause of healthy behaviors.
Twenge and colleagues examined the scores of more than fifteen thousand college students who took the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1987 and 2006.
Treating oneself like one would treat a good friend, with warmth and care and understanding. We also found that self-compassion was less likely than self-esteem to be contingent on particular outcomes like social approval, competing successfully, or feeling attractive. How would participants feel if something like this happened to them? Self-compassionate participants were less likely to feel humiliated or incompetent, or to take it too personally. This is largely because self-compassionate participants were described by their partners as being more accepting and nonjudgmental than those who lacked self-compassion… High self-esteem, it should be noted, did not appear to do a whole hell of a lot for couples. Being an inner ally as opposed to inner enemy helps them. In fact, their level of self-compassion is a more powerful predictor of whether or not they develop PTSD symptoms than the level of combat exposure they faced.
They are then instructed to create an ideal image of a caring and compassionate figure… The training resulted in significant reductions in depression, self-attacking, feelings of inferiority, and shame. When you lack confidence, often end up settling for what think can get, instead of really want in life. Because I don’t believe God wants anybody stumbling through life, day after day, living a life of absolute mediocrity.

I don’t think God expects us to stumble through life, not really understanding what our purpose in life us. Like me, they’re people trying to figure out exactly what God wants them to do with their lives. I think God makes you highly successful in that plan—according to his definition of success—but I think that God expects us to live with more confidence.
What I do here is encourage, motivate, and offer Simple Habits to Help You Achieve a Lifestyle of Christ-Honoring Greatness. But the second we fail and make a mistake, our self-esteem goes out the window and we do not judge ourselves positively. So trying to increase self-esteem doesn’t help people succeed but it can turn them into jerks.
During the twenty-year period, scores went through the roof, with 65 percent of modern-day students scoring higher in narcissism than previous generations. If you’re self-compassionate, you’ll tend to have higher self-esteem than if you’re endlessly self-critical.
When our sense of self-worth stems from being a human being intrinsically worthy of respect—rather than being contingent on obtaining certain ideals—our sense of self-worth is much less easily shaken.
Instead, they said they would take things in their stride, thinking thoughts like “Everybody goofs up now and then” and “In the long run, this doesn’t really matter.” Having high self-esteem, however, made little difference.
Self-esteem was not associated with happier, healthier relationships, and people with high self-esteem weren’t described by their partners as being any more accepting, caring, or supportive in their relationships than those who lacked self-esteem. It just depends on being an imperfect human being which is great, because it is pretty easy to be an imperfect human being. At first I was surprised but then you start thinking about it and it makes sense because people are naturally a lot more compassionate to other people than they are to themselves.
Positive self-talk is one of the methods that showed the best results in helping them get through their incredibly difficult training. That’s one of the reasons why I created this website, because I want to help people understand what God’s will is for their lives.
But if you just step out of that comfort zone a little bit, trusting in his grace and trusting in his provision, he will lead you down the path you are supposed to go. He opens up his plan as we continue to search after him, to gain even a greater understanding of his gospel each and every day.
There will be valleys and there will be mountains and peaks, but we’ll get to the top of that mountain–together!
And like high self-esteem—self-compassion is associated with significantly less anxiety and depression, as well as more happiness, optimism, and positive emotions. Those with both high and low self-esteem were equally likely to have thoughts like “I’m such a loser” or “I wish I could die.” Once again, high self-esteem tends to come up empty-handed when the chips are down. However, self-compassion offers clear advantages over self-esteem when things go wrong, or when our egos are threatened. We are being hard on ourselves and we’re tapping into the reptilian brain as opposed to the more mature care-giving area.

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Comments to «How to be more confident at basketball»

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  2. TaKeD
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