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Someone spills ketchup on your new sweater… “Who cares???  Shit’s cool… whatevs… I’ll buy it again tomorrow”… Three minutes later, your boyfriend tells you, you have makeup on your cheek and leans in to wipe it off… “FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!
And are pinning up that hot girl against the wall giving her a lap dance offering her a threesome with the guy who’s panting three feet away.  Or enticing that 400 pound man who slightly resembles Channing Tatum in your mind to come home with you and show you how Magic Mike really moves.
You know when you’re deliriously tired or sobering-up and feeling maniacally excited about talking?
BFF!: I’m over him, I hate him he sucks and I’m so glad he left me because I would never had the courage to leave him.
BFF2: Well his new girlfriend is fugly and orange, maybe he’ll come to his senses and come crawling back.

BFF2: My brother said that conspiracy theories are for people who are too lazy to read the real news.
BFF1: I got caught taking a selfie on the train but the worst part is I was really just doing a booger-check.
BFF2: I was listening to the Rent soundtrack today at work until the guy who sits next to me told me that my headphones weren’t plugged it. I KNEW YOU THOUGHT I WAS UGLY!!”  And then you burst into unwarranted tears and run out of the bar as he’s standing there stranded in complete awe. You’re with your best friend, you’re in your safe zone and there are ten million things you find imperative to discuss with great enthusiasm and intensity.

Literally: toot, toot, toot, from the subway to the front door like the little engine who could… do nothing but fart. There are somethings that best friends talk about in group chat or over lunch, but there are other things that only come out late at night. You know, the gross stuff, the ex-files, the pep talks that all seems to go in circles or contradict itself?

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