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In the simpler days of yore, baby birthday gifts were merely kind gestures from friends and family.
Redditor razz32 posted the email on April 17 with the heading "Most demanding 1st birthday invite ever" after a co-worker, who was one of the original recipients, printed it out and shared it around the office, the user explains in the comments.
With [name redacted]’s birthday coming up, we thought we’d ask for 4 items that he will really get a lot of use out of in the coming months. The parents then go on to list the four specific items (with links) -- a water table, play tunnel, play tent and “Fill in the Missing Cheerios” book. The parents conclude the letter, "Please let us know if you have any questions about any items not on this list that you are considering purchasing and we can let you know if we already have it or if it is in storage waiting for him.
I made the mistake of giving a guy I’ve never met my phone number via a private message under the pretenses of well, you know, being friends. It started with a friendly hello, some small talk about what we do, Los Angeles, and nothing terribly interesting. I throw in some more small talk because I have literally no idea what to talk to this guy about. This was my effort to be completely clear with this guy, because no one likes to be lead on (even though I did not feel as though I was even doing that to begin with, given my apparent lack of interest). On the 20th, I send the main squeeze a picture of his bed, perfectly made with clean sheets and all. We've all been there: You're newly single, still reeling from the sting of being dumped by your ex -- and desperately trying to avoid texting him or her.


But let the texts in the slideshow below be a warning to you -- though it's tempting to text, those post-split conversations never go as planned. But as this viral invitation to a 1-year-old's first birthday indicates, those days are over. I provided my mom and sister-in-law [name redacted] with a list of 4 other items [name redacted] would like for his birthday so that they can buy from their list and avoid duplication.
When we return items without receipts, we only get about 50% of the value, so it is like throwing money away if you don't include a receipt with the gifts.
Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping, so we don't need to broadcast [name redacted] name on clothing or toys. You have no idea what’s coming… or you will if you keep reading, you sassy little shit. This does not justify the photo of the bed and the late phone call, with absolutely no interaction in between. This is when I decide that maybe Fee is right and I should put this guy on full Thought Catalog blast. With formula costing us $80 a week, it is always nice to be able to return items that he doesn’t need to get formula instead.
I let his textual grammar errors slide before, but now it doesn’t even seem worth it to bear. I start live-texting Fee with the details to keep him filled in on all the juicy gossip happening in my ever-so-eventful life. I like to think that not every dude that talks to me is trying to get it in, because I’m not that cocky and unrealistic, but COME ON.


Never mind the persistence… hey, if someone doesn’t text you back, definitely text them 12 more times, each of the following days! He certainly needs some release that real punk rock music at the gym just can’t supply him with. If you feel I’ve wasted your time, just remember, you clicked this and kept reading to the end. Some of you may remember an earlier piece I did called 20 Signs You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger… you’d think this kinda thing would happen after meeting once or twice, but no, we have never met. Mind you, at this particular moment, I was with my main squeeze, completely disregarding my phone to enjoy real life 3D happy fun times. Everyone has free will, just as I have the will to type this up at 1am weeks after the fact. I initially just shared the following screen shots with Rob Fee, especially since this all went down right around the time his Weirdest Person on Facebook post and I thought he could appreciate it. I was actually pretty relieved he didn’t see that this dude called me after 2am that same night, despite the lack of response to the bed photo. Granted, I was doing nothing out of line, but I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea.
If you don’t find this funny, you can blame him, because clearly if Rob Fee finds something funny, it is worth sharing with the internet.




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Comments

  • milashka_19, 09.11.2014 at 23:32:43

    Any good, and in case you may actually get your ex back her I'm here and.
  • LEZBIYANKA, 09.11.2014 at 17:19:40

    May drive anyone crazy with desire and curiosity need to show kindness get back to sleep.
  • 97, 09.11.2014 at 21:21:57

    The careless one who dropped her pocket book text messaging.
  • Seytan_Qiz, 09.11.2014 at 14:50:55

    The best thing you are minutes or so before sending get her back you then've come.