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But before we start thinking of all the gossips we know, let’s take a step back and re-evaluate if we really know what gossip is. I am afraid that many God-fearing women and men hold their tongues because they believe gossip = negative words. Gossip requires one necessary ingredients: an aim to harm.   If I call my friend and tell her how my husband just crushed my spirit is this gossip? I want indignation so others will join my crusade (I was treated horribly by this person, so don’t befriend them). But, if we share personal things for the sake of comfort and compassion, for the sake of clarity and encouragement, for the sake of truth and healing, we are not gossiping.
Many women hold the sole set of keys to out some serious sins of molestation, rape, spiritual, emotional and physical abuse (the latter of which is by and large a male dominated offense). If we are afraid to speak in the light the deeds someone else did in the dark, if we are afraid of how we may be accused of being negative or improper, if we are afraid that truth-telling may rip apart communities, ruin memories of the happy times, tear asunder families so that we stay still and quiet when we know evil is being done, then we are not like Jesus. Just wrote a longer response to Josh below, would love your feedback if I’m missed a point about punishment in the court system as an appropriate aim as a Christian. Appreciate your careful thinking about what makes gossip malicious or toxic, some form of false witness.
I like to reflect on the fact that our word gossip shares some common ancestry with the word gospelling. I’d very much like to hear more about the common ancestry between gossip and gospelling.
But in a world where shalom has been vandalized, people take an unwarranted interest in the business of others, speak untruths or half truths about others, or state the facts with malignant purpose, etc.
In doing some reading on definitions of gossip I think you bring up some interesting ideas on what gossip may include.
I’d love to see Tim weigh in on his as well as I may be out of line in terms of judicial aims, but this is what I believe right now. In the sobering movie Doubt, the popular priest Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman) loses his position because the school’s principal (a nun played by Meryl Streep) suspects him of molesting an altar boy. In his farewell sermon, Father Flynn tells the story of a woman who told a tale about her neighbor. Gossip wreaks such pervasive, unimagined harm on a person’s reputation mainly because the damage can never be totally undone. Most women, even in the West, feel that they need to gossip to hold onto power over those they don’t like. When it comes to talking about someone else in a judicial setting*, I think it falls under the biblical instruction to honor those God has put in civil authority over us. I think the fact that witnesses are called to tell the truth, not seek prosecution or draw up the sentencing is important here. Dale and I discussed this after dinner and he agrees with you that malicious intent isn’t necessary for gossip. Good to hear that you don’t think the person being spoken about gets to determine what makes sharing proper or improper (nice clarification on that). I think at this point I’m defining gossip as anything we communicate with an aim to harm for the sake of gaining power. Aside from this point, I found your discussion insightful, thorough, and appropriately complex. In my own inner circle of friends, we have all agree to operate on the principle that great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss other people. How do you suggest your friend “striving for greatness” without it sounding judgmental? I suppose within the context of our relationship and the history of our relationship, the exhortation is not so much a judgment as an expression of concern for the other’s character. Makes me wonder about when we need to share something that is not good (for instance, I may need to share with another other that the babysitter she is using is not careful with children). Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
Stop and make sure that everything you are doing right now is really what makes you happy.
I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. You’re really amazing, and one day, maybe very soon, you will find someone who really means the world to you and you will fall in love with them, and he will love you to bits. We must see things and people for how they are instead of how we hope, wish, or expect them to be. Gossip appeals to any person who has fear in their heart. Gossip is a way to feel superior and tribal and therefore protected.
And rather than draw our censure and disgust, gossip needs to be an alarm bell that this person feels inadequate, hurt, small. Jesus spoke up repeatedly about the evil things people were doing, and not always in their presence. Jesus talked about people behind their backs to unveil lies and truth, to help his followers find goodness.
And why does it seem to be part of the sins women get warned against more than men (1 Tim 3:11, 5:13)? To confess that we have been lied to, harmed, assaulted, molested, attacked or raped is not gossip. About twenty years ago I represented a trio of police officers being sued by someone they had put in prison.


If you don’t believe gossip always involves malicious intent, I can see why my arguments are less persuasive to you.
One can gossip because one is in need of attention, bored, hoping to get accepted or liked. Because gossip is often, though not always, used to harm, it can be a way for the empowered to retain power to to disempower another group of people.
Socrates continued, “You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. I just need a guy who will hold his ground and tell me to stop running from everything I’m afraid of.
Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.
Though it’s an uncomfortable thought, before God can really begin to use a person for His purposes, He must break that person.
When you find your prince, you will realize that all the frogs that came before him suddenly won’t matter anymore. Why can’t we get all the people together in the world we really like and then just stay together? I love the feeling you get when you’re around someone you have feelings for, I love how happy it makes me, I love being able to have someone to talk to at all times, having someone make you smile and laugh. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars. No matter how many quotes and song lyrics you post, or however much you write your heart out, sometimes words can’t describe how you feel. There comes a point when you have to realize that you’ll never be good enough for some people. This goes out to all of the people who have been broken, but have been strong enough to let go.
We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control.
For the first possibility, you acknowledge that one might speak negatively of someone because they seek to be accepted or make oneself feel better of oneself without even recognizing that by so speaking one is bringing harm on another. If the report is true this should hardly constitute gossip), I disagree due to the nature of seeking justice.
Since women are disempowered in most societies (do you find this idea unsubstantiated?), gossip provides a passive aggressive way for females to grab at power. The priest tells her to go to her tenement roof, rip open a pillow and throw the feathers into the wind.
But there are other people out there who want to help you fight the good fight, and you need to let them in.
It is a reason to get started, to grow, to find new ways, to reach within yourself and discover strength, commitment, determination, discipline. You tell them things that you’ve never actually shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. I think when bad things happen- whether someone dies or people argue or split up- you get to a point where it’s just too hard to go back.
Brokenness is not a popular idea in our culture, but there is usually no sweeter time of intimacy with God than when He takes our life and our sinful habits, and destroys them, so that He can build us up again.
I just try to let love surprise me because you never know who you’re going to fall in love with. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend.
But everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing promises, saying sorry, and all the hurting.
For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt that they could never love again, but kept their head up.
You get all lined up just the way you like it, and then something beyond your control comes along and bumps you off center. It’s those moments where you get high off just breathing in so deep, you feel your lungs getting cold.
Second, many women haven’t developed a solid sense of their identity apart from their power over their husbands, children, friends. He complained that their investigation ruined his marriage because it was through them that his wife found out he was a rapist. Here is a short story that explains the three filters of Socrates – The Ultimate Gossip Test. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret.
And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too, even when you’re in the dark. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. For the people who that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. Sometimes, we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Wishing on all the stars in the sky for the answers to your questions, for something to believe in…someone to hold.
When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.


For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. You grow up, make friends, lose friends, go to college, lose track of people, meet new ones, and sometimes you ask yourself why.
Having absolutely no control over yourself, being caught up in a place you wish you were miles away from.
I don’t think one can determine this from thinking about what it is to be a woman or a man in the way you do. We get along so well; the goofyness we share and our conversations are something I'd never trade for anything.
They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting, or laugh with you when you make a fool out of yourself. And as time goes on, you learn more and more, absorbing every second of detail without even realizing it. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if it sometimes feels a little empty. But all I can tell you is the every single experience you go through like this has changed you in some way.
Being stuck somewhere between the past and the future, nowhere near where you should be-in the present. In fact, it seems to me that gossip can be totally divorced from harm since it need not harm nor intend to harm.
The two reasons you give in the third paragraph don’t seem to be established (yet), though I grant that they are often the stereotypes we have of women and how their friendships are structured.
And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather, they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
Then one day, you wake up and realize how much this person actually means to you, and you love them for every strength and weakness.
How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare.
I suspect that gossip involves inappropriately sharing some piece of information, regardless if the information is positive or negative.
Witnesses who testify for the prosecution or defense are doing so as part of acarefully developed judicial process, not in a gossipping context.
There is never any pressure, jealousy, or competition, but only a quiet calmness when they are around. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up or your best friend betrayed you.
For the people who periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. Spoiling someone’s pregnancy announcement may be gossip if it was not yours to share, even if it brings no harm to another and even if one did not intend to harm another. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.
The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song, or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.
For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid, it’s like being young again. For the people that pick up the phone and are tempted to call, but keep their dignity intact instead. Laughter seems part of daily life where, before, it was infrequent, or didn’t exist at all. Be thankful that the road is long and challenging, because that is where you’ll find the best that life has to offer. A phone call or two during the day always helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times, it’s better just to let go. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. It will truly make a difference in the way you see yourself, and the way others see you. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind, or even a storm cloud on the horizon.
You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soulmate who will remain loyal until the end.



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