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CORRECTION: An earlier version of this article misstated the numbers reported in the 1992 study on sperm counts in 1938. I made the mistake of giving a guy I’ve never met my phone number via a private message under the pretenses of well, you know, being friends. It started with a friendly hello, some small talk about what we do, Los Angeles, and nothing terribly interesting.
I throw in some more small talk because I have literally no idea what to talk to this guy about.
This was my effort to be completely clear with this guy, because no one likes to be lead on (even though I did not feel as though I was even doing that to begin with, given my apparent lack of interest). On the 20th, I send the main squeeze a picture of his bed, perfectly made with clean sheets and all. Smosh is the home of the best funny videos, games, photos, memes, blogs and galleries online. If all that isn't enough, our friends are serving you free movies in HD for your viewing pleasure. The phrase “go make me a sandwich” was first introduced in a Saturday Night Live skit[6] that aired on December 16th, 1995. John-John Mackey: When I see a storm front coming, I’m all, “What’s up, bitch?!” And the storm is all, “Not, much, Sir.” And I’m all, “That’s right, bitch! Throughout the late 1990s and 2000s, the expression was used in a number of other TV shows and stand-up comedy specials, including an episode of X-Files (shown below, left) that aired in March 1999, an episode of That 70s Show in July 2000, as well as Dave Chappelle’s stand-up special For What It’s Worth (shown below, right) and an episode of Rescue Me, both of which aired in September 2004.
The phrase “make me a sandwich” was further popularized by an xkcd comic titled “Sandwich”[7] (shown below, left), posted on August 28th, 2006.[8] In the comic, one of the characters uses the phrase paired with the word “sudo,”[9] which is the Unix command that allows selected users to execute a command as an administrator. In June 2012, New York Post’s senior reporter Stephanie Smith launched the food photography blog 300 Sandwiches[19] to document a variety of homemade sandwiches she makes for her boyfriend Eric Schulte.
In September 2013, after creating 176 sandwiches, Smith wrote about her blog and the story behind it in a New York Post column article titled “‘I’m 124 sandwiches away from an engagement ring’,”[20] revealing that she decided to start the project after her boyfriend joked that he will propose to her one day if she makes him 300 sandwiches. Lucky for you, we've found answers to nine big questions about the amazing little wrigglers.
Sperm counts vary from about 20 million to 100 million sperm cells per milliliter of ejaculate.


At one time, people believed that sperm cells contained tiny individuals known as homunculi or animalcules. You have no idea what’s coming… or you will if you keep reading, you sassy little shit. This does not justify the photo of the bed and the late phone call, with absolutely no interaction in between. This is when I decide that maybe Fee is right and I should put this guy on full Thought Catalog blast. See the funniest YouTube videos, pictures and images online or chat with Smosh readers in our online forums. In the skit, actor Tim Meadows appears as John-John Mackey, a weatherman who tries too hard to be hip by using confrontational language during the delivery of his forecasts. An explanation of the word was submitted to the writers’ community Everything2[3] in October 2000, which defined “sammich” as a food item made with care and lots of ingredients, making it better than a normal sandwich. Shortly after it was featured on xkcd, the comic was subsequently linked to a thread in Ubuntu forums[12], a BoingBoing article[10] and actor Wil Wheaton’s blog[11] in September 2006.
The tiniest object you can see with your unaided eyes is about 0.1 mm--so forget about seeing sperm without a microscope. They swim toward higher concentrations of molecules released by the egg (known as chemotaxis) and toward the high-temperature areas of the woman's reproductive tract, where eggs are found (known as thermotaxis). I let his textual grammar errors slide before, but now it doesn’t even seem worth it to bear. I start live-texting Fee with the details to keep him filled in on all the juicy gossip happening in my ever-so-eventful life. The first Urban Dictionary[4] definition for “sammich” was submitted on January 3rd, 2003, also nothing that the word is reserved for sandwiches “with connotations of extra goodness.” The Oxford English Dictionary[5] officially recognized “sammich” as a word in May 2011. The phrase became so pervasive in American colloquialism that a panel discussion on its hindrance of women’s participation in online spaces was held at the 2012 GeekGirlCon[18] in Seattle, Washington (shown below, right). You know sperm cells swim their way to an egg cell--but with no brains, how in the heck do they know which way to go?
And we know that sperm cells are made of three basic parts: the head (which contains the genetic material), a middle section (packed with mitochondria that provide energy for the tail), and the tail itself (flagellum).


I like to think that not every dude that talks to me is trying to get it in, because I’m not that cocky and unrealistic, but COME ON. Never mind the persistence… hey, if someone doesn’t text you back, definitely text them 12 more times, each of the following days! He certainly needs some release that real punk rock music at the gym just can’t supply him with. If you feel I’ve wasted your time, just remember, you clicked this and kept reading to the end. Some more recent studies suggest there really is a decline, but others suggest that sperm counts have remained stable. Some of you may remember an earlier piece I did called 20 Signs You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger… you’d think this kinda thing would happen after meeting once or twice, but no, we have never met.
Mind you, at this particular moment, I was with my main squeeze, completely disregarding my phone to enjoy real life 3D happy fun times.
Everyone has free will, just as I have the will to type this up at 1am weeks after the fact. Van Leeuwenhoek was also the first to observe bacteria, muscle fibers, and the flow of blood cells through capillaries. I initially just shared the following screen shots with Rob Fee, especially since this all went down right around the time his Weirdest Person on Facebook post and I thought he could appreciate it. I was actually pretty relieved he didn’t see that this dude called me after 2am that same night, despite the lack of response to the bed photo.
Granted, I was doing nothing out of line, but I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea.
If you don’t find this funny, you can blame him, because clearly if Rob Fee finds something funny, it is worth sharing with the internet.



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Comments

  • Lunatik, 04.01.2015 at 23:35:45

    Again with your ex lover, Text in the midst of the day when.
  • oO, 04.01.2015 at 16:51:52

    Can simply begin no contact with out telling them help.