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January 12, 2012 by silverpen 14 Comments As you know from my last post, a dear friend of mine is dying.
Between the ages of 5 and 9, most children begin to realize that death is permanent and that all living things die, but they still do not see death as something that can happen to them. Explaining death to children between the ages of 3 and 8 involves brief and simple explanations. A child may ask questions immediately or may respond with thoughtful silence and come back at a later time to ask more questions. Children learn through repetition and may need to hear the same information multiple times. From about 9 or 10 through Adolescence, children begin to comprehend fully that death is irreversible, that all living things die, and that they too will die one day. Because funerals serve a valuable function of helping the living acknowledge, accept and cope with the death of a loved one, children who are old enough not only can but should be included in funeral arrangements.
Choose a close friend, family member, or babysitter to accompany the children throughout the wake and funeral.
The Silver Lining of including children at the funeral is that they really connect with the gathering aspect of these events and they can lead the way when it comes to celebrating a life. This coming July 4th, it will be 3 years since my husband passed away at home from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. As one of four children who lost our mother (age 7), there were many things noted that would have eased the transition. I would like to encourage extended family to keep in touch with these children, by visiting or even by an occasional letter . Finally, if you have children and have lost someone to cancer, for the sake of your children, please do not be hasty in your quest for a permanent replacement caregiver (spouse). Being the parent of two children who were in highschool when their dad died, I can tell you based on my children; it is very complicated and very difficult for a teen to lose their dad. So, we still struggle even though they now have a wonderful step father; they still cry, get angry, and basically break down at times thinking of their loss.


Holly, This is truly a wonderful post and there are so many people who will benefit from it. Hollye’s book, The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide to Breast Cancer, was published by Simon & Schuster on March 2014. No matter how many times you may spray paint , change wheels , clean , or customize a car to look different . Fotosearch Stock Photography and Stock Footage Royalty Free ImagesStock Photography & Royalty Free Stock Photos licensed by Publitek, Inc. Each question deserves a simple and relevant answer. Because children can confuse what they hear, it is critical to assess whether children have understood what has been said.
Even very young children can choose the kind of flowers they would like to give and may bring the flowers with them. While some children may be tearful and appear sad, many more tend to play and socialize their way through the farewell ritual.
They often recount the wonderful things said about the person who has died and talk about all the people who came to the funeral. I had gone to check on him and he was breathing funny so I went and called the doctor than the ambulance. I couldn't agree more that children do know so much more than we give them credit for.
One thing that I have found to be extremely helpful ( but again, VERY difficult to talk about and carry out) , is to prepare the child for what their family member will look like in the casket. I'm so sorry that you had to face this and so much more, it sounds like, at such a young age.
Sometimes it may be necessary to respond to a question with a question in order to fully understand the child’s concerns. To give you some perspective, though, I have been with children as young as two at funerals. This person serves as a child’s advocate and ensures that children are well cared for.


Children will remember having been part of the important goodbye and are affirmed by participating in it. While waiting for the ambulance my daughter dropped my granddaughter off without stepping in to find out what was going on so my granddaughter that was 8 was there when he died and I was outside crying.
I know this sounds gruesome to some but SO important that the child know what to expect, especially if it is a sibling we are talking about. Fotosearch helps you find the perfect royalty free illustration, line art drawing, EPS vector graphic, or stock clipart icon. It is imperative to reassure them (over and over) that they were not responsible for the death.
Many children write a letter, draw a picture, or choose a keepsake to put into the casket (as culturally appropriate).
Include an explanation of how people may behave and help children to understand that the tears of the adults around them are okay and nothing to be afraid of.
The person acting as the child’s advocate will also answer their questions and be aware of the child’s emotional state when parents are busy with the extraordinary demands of the day.
With thoughtful preparation, we can safely and meaningfully include children in funeral rituals. Even if we can only do a little bit, it seems like it would be a positive step in the healing process. Buy pictures and get immediate image file downloads, or get fast, cheap delivery on CD-ROM or DVD. In confronting death, they are trying to overcome their fears by confirming an artificial control over mortality. She kissed him goodby and at the funeral she had made his a couple of things and put it beside him in the casket.



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