Before going through this activity, you should have talked about assertiveness in detail along with giving examples so that delegates know what is expected of them here.
Being able to have an opinion about important subjects and defend that position is an incredibly important skill in life. Many countries around the world regularly broadcast soap operas on TV; social programs which usually contain a lot of angry and emotional discussions between various extreme characters.
This exercise helps delegates to use the scenarios on such programs and turn them around with assertive communication. Being assertive is not just about expressing your rights; it is also about increasing the efficiency of your communication with others.
This fun exercise shows the effect of assertiveness in achieving goals by presenting a combination of passive, aggressive and assertive behaviours in the task. Download a free comprehensive training package including training guidelines, soft skills training activities, assessment forms and useful training resources that you can use to enhance your courses.
Assertive behaviour respects other people’s rights and feelings, as well as your own rights and feelings. This section would focus on opening the eyes of people so that can behave more effectively, manage relationships and have greater self-esteem than before. This section deals with how past experiences can influence the way we behave, think, and generally present ourselves in the world. Did you know that as you develop your assertiveness skills, you can also improve your relationships, self-esteem and confidence? You fear speaking up; you’re not sure how to do it and feel afraid of how people might respond. The great news is that there are techniques and skills you can learn to overcome feeling this way, have stronger confidence and be better able to state what concerns you and what you want, express how you feel and generally live a more fulfilling, satisfying and happier life in your career and relationships. The aim is to communicate (speak, write or otherwise) in a way that looks to move toward a solution, and does not exacerbate the problem. These words communicate anger, frustration and the likely response you will receive is an unfavourable one … retreat, or a retaliation. You identify a solution and tell the other person you have an idea to help resolve the problem – you show you are solution-focused and that you are committed to helping yourself feel better, with their help. You can effectively communicate through all mediums: text messaging, emailing, telephone calls, face to face. While communicating face to face can be the most confronting, you have the chance to communicate more fully, the message you wish to convey and the importance of your message.
Facial expressions, hand movements and gestures, posture – the way you communicate without using words or your voice. How you say what you say has the second highest impact in communication: volume, emphasis, pitch, clarity and diction, elocution, pauses, silences.
Have a look at the chart below for the DO’s and DON’TS to exercise assertive communication that increases the likelihood of positive responses and behaviour change. Understanding the impact of how your body language, voice tone and the words you actually use, can have a great influence on the effectiveness of your message being received well and being responded to favourably. Brisbane Psychologist Helen D’Silva has worked with many individuals lacking in self-esteem and confidence, to develop assertiveness skills in the workplace and in their personal relationships.
Appointments AvailableAre you looking for a Brisbane Psychologist with Appointments Available Now? In this episode, we first go through a brief summary of the entire book … chapter by chapter. Assertiveness is largely the realization that you are in control of what you will or will not do, but not in control of what others will or will not do. If you attempt to be assertive instead of your normal response to stress (whether it be passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive), the people around you might not react positively – not because assertiveness is bad, but because they’ve come to expect that you’re passive or aggressive. You are in charge of your own behavior, others are in charge of their behavior.That’s really the key point of this entire book. This chapter offers a very long checklist of nonverbal behaviors for you to work on to make your presence felt in a room without dominating others aggressively. Passive people tend to not give their opinion at all, while aggressive people tend to state their opinion in such a way to make it clear that other opinions are wrong – neither one is cool.
The best way to give good positive feedback is to avoid all ulterior motives. Never give a false compliment, nor a backhanded one. If you cannot say no to someone or something, you’re not in charge of your life.Learning how to say no doesn’t mean you’ve decided to ignore the needs and wants everyone around you.
Another part of balancing assertiveness well without falling into passivity or aggressiveness is to make requests that are clear but aren’t controlling. Sometimes, confrontations are unavoidable, particularly when someone is demanding more than is realistic or socially unacceptable. If you have an idea for a podcast you would like to see or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me.
Sep 03, 2013 Sometimes assertiveness gets a bad name, because people confuse it with aggressiveness.
Few of us are exactly in the middle of this yardstick, but all of us can benefit from consciously practicing assertive behavior. A great way to learn how to be assertive is to know how it contrasts with being aggressive or submissive. Often, we come across such potentially heated debates during the course of a day, but the subjects are mainly to do with practical daily tasks rather than deeper philosophical issues. The negative emotions and feelings generated by these experiences can stay with us for a long time afterwards and make us feel overtly emotional, weak, stupid or even unworthy. Assertive communication as opposed to passive or aggressive communication is usually the best way to handle aggressive communication. It can accurately spot activities in the collection which are similar to the one you are currently viewing.

Download our training resources and extend your portfolio to meet market demand and deliver state-of-the-art interactive training courses. Assertiveness requires the ability to be forceful, in a respectful way, as well as the ability to listen.
There are times when it may be appropriate to be passive, or other times when you must take a more aggressive stance. But conversations that include thoughts and feelings are more powerful, more rewarding, and more likely to have a positive effect on all concerned.
We get overloaded, we have targets to meet, we may have to cope with others anger, we may feel taken for granted.
Whether the feedback is verbal or non-verbal, this feedback lets us know what behaviors are acceptable. We are in charge of our own behaviour, how we communicate and how we respond, but we are not able to control the same of the other person. You then come home to find the clothes are still hanging on the line, dishes are still in the sink and it appears no effort has been made to get dinner started. Firstly, we need to identify what it is that is upsetting, annoying, painful to us; be able to describe to ourselves the response or behaviour that is unfavourable.
The behaviour you receive may continue, even worsen and the opposite of what you wanted, eventuates. Remember that you have chosen to communicate and behave in a way that is not usual for you and the other person may not have been expecting this, hence their response might be delayed. By doing this, you communicate assertively, respectfully and set a premise that you are willing to work toward a resolve.
Remember their response is not within your control – but you have at least communicated in an assertive and respectful way that helps you build your confidence in speaking up for yourself and communicating your needs. In knowing this, choose your words wisely and recognise that how you choose to deliver these is highly important.
Helen helps develop an awareness of where the individual’s current skill levels sit, before identifying and coaching them to use techniques that bring positive change in relationships across all areas of life. Randy Paterson takes on the spectrum of assertiveness problems and strives to point people towards an appropriate, mentally healthy level of assertiveness in their lives. Passive people tend to not recognize the control of what they themselves do, while aggressive people tend to try to control what everyone does (and passive-aggressive folks alternate between the two in often-confusing ways). They might be confused as to how you’re acting and it might make the relationship worse in the short term. Naturally passive people, for example, believe that assertiveness is selfishness and passivity is the way to be loved and valued – neither of which is actually true. You may naturally be a passive person, but you can choose to act in ways that are assertive. Integrating these individual behaviors can be difficult, so Paterson encourages people to practice each behavior for a week, focusing intently on that behavior, until it starts to become at least a little natural. They view it as unbalancing the situation and either should be ignored, devalued, or met with a reciprocal compliment.
You should also try to compliment things that have already happened, like complimenting someone on a lovely dinner after the dinner. This is very hard for passive people to do, but there are a few principles that can make negative feedback really helpful. Confrontations are occasionally part of appropriate assertiveness, as long as you prepare for that confrontation in a rational fashion. If things get intense, emotions tend to take over and no resolution to the problem can happen. But if there were a yardstick to measure human behavior, assertiveness would fall right in the middle, with passiveness at one end and aggressiveness at the other. This activity helps delegates to analyse a given situation and analyse various responses delivered and see how their feelings are affected as a result of each response.
Through these discussions delegates can see if their views are markedly different from those of others and if so what it may suggest when they interact with others. The solutions to such issues are usually non-obvious where many thinkers have been putting efforts in exploring them and providing insights. One way to deal with this emotional baggage is to acknowledge it and take responsibility for it. The focus of this exercise is on learning how to constantly use assertive communication and not necessarily only at the beginning of a conversation. This article suggests a few useful sentence formulations to help you express yourself assertively and increase your confidence in dealing with potentially aggressive people. However, assertiveness is the only behaviour that’s designed to promote win-win outcomes.
Success, Assertiveness, and feeling good about oneself are all interrelated .When feelings about one’s own self are negative, success may elude. Like the mechanics that work in back end of a clock or watch, turn the cog and the other cogs have to turn.
You damage the other person’s self-esteem, you continue to feel in a bad mood and you don’t receive the help you want. Appointments with our Brisbane psychologists are available from 8am to 8pm; including Saturday and Sunday. Our reception hours are usually 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday, and 9am to 4pm Saturday and Sunday. Having that appropriate level allows a person to easily stand up for themselves, their ideas, and their goals, enabling them to climb the career ladder and build what they want for themselves. Assertiveness simply means sticking up for yourself – your time, your energy, your money, your work, and your ideas.
Similarly, naturally aggressive people believe that full honesty is always the best policy and that if they’re not aggressive nothing will happen – neither of which is actually true.

Sure, you can use aggression to strongly influence other’s choices, but there’s a huge cost there – resentment happens whether you see it or not. You may naturally be aggressive, but you can choose to scale back on the aggression towards others. I find that, for me, it takes more than a week of such focus for it to become a natural behavior. State it from your perspective: “My take is…” or “I enjoyed it…” Don’t criticize other’s views – it’s quite likely that other reasonable people will have their own take that differs from yours. First of all, state what you observed so that they understand the specific element you’re coming from. First, state the issue to yourself and make sure you understand why this is an unresolved problem.
Try to keep your voice even and don’t show off obvious signs of agitation – if you feel that way, take a time out. If you see yourself as usually at one extreme or the other, self-esteem may be an issue for you to explore further.
The idea here is that sharing difficult experiences and the feelings generated by them will allow delegates to acknowledge them to another person and therefore more easily come into terms with them.
Our self-concept – the way we feel and think about ourselves – underpins our approach to every situation.
So too can be the same for how you change the way you communicate – if you change, then you create the opportunity for the other person to respond, answer and behave differently. You feel that your partner does not recognise you are also tired and to avoid another argument, you manage the laundry yourself, wash up, and end up starting dinner. Assertiveness strikes a happy balance between passiveness and aggressiveness, enabling you to control your own destiny without treading on others.
Paterson works through a ton of such beliefs in this chapter, evaluating why they’re not generally true and offering techniques for eliminating them from your life. Similarly, if you’re passive and let others dictate your choices, you become their doormat.
This works in almost any conversation and, when prefaced that way, is almost always welcome. Accept a compliment with a polite “Thank you” and move on with life, accepting the complement as a positive. First, decide what you’re going to say before you even speak – if you don’t know yet, then don’t answer. Things may get worse before they get better, but they will get better – for you and for the people around you. If anyone attacks you for stating what you think – if you make it clear that it’s just your take – they are the ones who will come off as aggressive and rude, not you.
Of course, sometimes compliments are given with an ulterior motive, but you cannot honestly know what the motives of others are. Don’t try to change their mind or argue with them – it won’t work and creates more of a scene.
Specify means identifying clearly (but briefly) what you’d like the other person to do to change the situation. Is it a realistic conclusion (“he makes sexist comments and demands ridiculous things of me, so the problem is that he’s sexist”) or unrealistic (“he leaves the toilet seat up so he doesn’t love me”)? Instead, the best solution is to simply minimize the stress so that we don’t slip into our default biological “flight or fight” response – instead, we deal with it rationally, using a cool head, and often wind up choosing the best solution for the problem (usually, the assertive one).
Relationship strain is natural and should be expected, but in the end, assertiveness will make you more valuable, not less, and will build stronger relationships. You’re going to make some mistakes along the way – that’s fine, just keep trying to find that sweet spot of assertiveness.
Instead, respond positively to the comment in the now and allow other actions and statements to reveal the other person’s true character. Don’t try to soften the “no” or else aggressive folks will see it as practically a “yes.” Don’t apologize and don’t make excuses for the “no” unless you’re actually changing your statement from an earlier promise. Next, figure out what you want to come out of the confrontation – do you want a behavioral change or do you want a person to reflect and make a personal change within themselves? You can minimize your stress by eating well, getting adequate sleep, minimizing your caffeine intake, getting exercise, and trying to live a balanced life that mixes work, personal, and leisure time.
One great technique is to minimize your communications – focus on making your messages as slim as possible, only communicating the bare assertive essentials. Quite often, particularly from people with aggression issues, the negative feedback has little to do with you but instead has to do with their own hangups.
Also, many aggressive people will continually keep asking if they want something – if you’ve decided to say “no,” keep saying it and don’t reword it (which is a cue that you’re starting to waffle). Surprisingly, it’s quite easy to condense these four pieces down into a total of just a few sentences, but they’re all needed to make a clear and fair request of others.
Ask yourself if it’s really you that needs to change, and make sure you’re picking a worthwhile battle here. You can also utilize quick stress responses that are outside the “fight or flight” dichotomy, like stopping and breathing deeply a few times. Careful reflection will reveal whether the feedback is something you need to work on or something to ignore. Then, choose an appropriate place and time and make sure you’re safe during this confrontation (as some aggressive people tend to not react well in such situations). Doing these things will make confrontations much more palatable and likely to achieve a result you want and less likely to result in ongoing problems.

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  1. 09.11.2015 at 15:38:37
    Rockline666 writes:
    Means to see issues as they really are.??It's a meditation.
  2. 09.11.2015 at 18:37:23
    red_life_girl writes:
    Imagery and leisure training that is designed to help reduce stress and relationship with phrases.