I’m often asked how we can address the fact that so many teenagers seem to really struggle with their self-esteem.
Telling teenagers you care about them, or showing them in your actions, which might be as simple as just slowing down and being there to listen, can have a huge impact on their self-esteem. Sometimes teenagers’ self-esteem takes a hit because they’re surrounded by other people’s seemingly perfect lives. Compliments are meaningless if they are thrown around without much thought, but a compliment that is spontaneous, specific and authentic is a great self-esteem builder. Get in the habit of asking your teenager for their opinion on things and be prepared to consider and act upon their answers. You may also be interested in working through ‘Banish your self-esteem thief’ which is a very accessible workbook for building self-esteem in young people.
Get the very latest from Pooky and the Charlie Waller Memorial Trust including blog posts, free resources and updates on child and adolescent mental health. Great ideas and are certainly valuable for parents, carers and guardians to introduce into their relationships with teens (and younger children). What a great self-esteem boost and a practical lesson in giving relevant and meaningful compliments too. In fact, I have a quiz on this website and over 50% of girls have answered that they are ashamed of how they look.
Ultimately, the problem is that we are trying to find teenage self esteem and worth apart from God. However, I do believe there are other influences in our culture today that also contribute to this emptiness inside us.
Video Games and Body Image - are all those hours playing video games deepening the problem? Body Image Lies Women Believe - Read 26 different stories from 26 women and learn how to overcome body image lies with God's truth. The next time someone calls you a one-way, egotistical son of a bitch, don’t forget to thank them. Optimism involves self-delusion, a belief that our own abilities are superior to the obstacles that logically should overcome us.
How can you be any good unless you think you can accomplish what you’re not supposed to be able to accomplish? Parents espsecially feel that love so keenly that they often just assume that their kids know they are loved inside and out unconditionally. If you’re authentic and consistent, after a while they’ll begin to subconsciously question their assumptions that they’re unlovable and not worth bothering with.


It used to just be airbrushed pictures of models we had to contend with but these days everyone is airbrushing not just their pictures but their entire life stories before they share them on sites like Facebook.
Try to pay compliments regularly and ensure that you are praising beyond looks and appearance and getting into the more important stuff. Many teenagers struggle as they enter an age where they want to feel independent and like they can effect changes in their own life.
What has worked well for you – please take a moment to comment below and feel free to link to any books or websites you think people might find helpful. Yes, the assessments taken do reflect some great increases in well-being, self-esteem, aspirations and confidence.
He is very bright, straight A student, has four friends he is very close with, is on the track team, and has a younger sister.
It could be a mistake on their exams but we should still give them credit and tell then that they did a great job. The two worst human failings, many of us were taught when we were young, are lying and bragging. In my opinion, humility is what our parents and teachers try to stuff us with when we’re six years old to make us easier to handle, but it’s unnatural.
Anthony Greenwald, a psychologist at the University of Washington, sees the “egocentricity bias”—the reinterpretation of events to put ourselves in a favorable light and the belief we have more control over events than we actually do—as a sign of mental well-being. Top performers in athletics or business are always convinced they can be heroes, even if they don’t shout it from the rooftops.
Take time to help teenagers understand that we should view much of what we see cynically – when it comes to our own life, we are living the ‘warts and all’ version but our friends and wider network are choosing to share only the abridged highlights.
Praise effort as well as achievement and back up all your compliments with evidence that shows you really are interested and care. This can sometimes result in them pushing their family away but by actively inviting, listening to and responding to their opinion we can help them to really feel part of the family unit and realise that they can influence how things are sometimes.
To demonstrate effort expended and benefit gained (not monetary but more importantly esteem). At the beginning of my sessions I always begin with games that get them to say some positive quality about themselves; or share what successes they have had. One of my favourite games is to have a bag full of cards with character traits printed on them (happy, brave, wise, clever etc). My wife and I have spoken with him numerous times about his feelings, but he keeps insisting that anything he does is not good enough and he is not worthy of the things he has. We should let our children express their emotions and know who their friends are and have time for each of them to know them better as well.


When we’re young, we’re full of the sense that we can and should be able to do almost anything.
They often can’t think of a single good thing to say about themselves and cant think why anyone else would be able to either.
As well as developing better relationships within the family, this is also a great self-esteem builder as it makes a huge difference to us all when we feel our voice is not going unheard.
Teens are keen to understand how to be adults (however much they say they know it all!) and in the case of my teen he learns much better through showing rather than telling. The pupils take one out and if they feel they have that trait they then give an example of when they last demonstrated that trait. I didnA?'t want anyone around me, especialy my parents, I felt old, like I was an adult and could take care of myself! The higher it is, the better you get along with yourself, with others, and the more you’ll accomplish. In fact, baseball scouts call that look “the good face,” the sense of self-confidence that radiates from winners.
Talking about things that interest us and that we’re knowledgeable about makes us feel good, especially when the person listening to us is someone who we really care about and whose opinion we value. There are clearly some really tricky concepts in there – like those quadratic equations you tried to explain to me – but you just kept on trying until you began to understand. My son has watched my struggles and efforts (and failures) but above all he sees my self belief, determination and my inner peace. I’ve found that the announcing and sharing part of this game adds a depth of ownership for the pupils that really gives the game its potency.
Just that simple repeated act of connecting with that good feeling about themselves can deliver massive results. This is an opportunity to invite examples from the group, transforming the exercise into hearing and accepting compliments. I want him to believe that what he does and says is important and we listen to him, no matter what the subject is.Please help. Don't worry too much about your son, he'll come around eventually, give him time and he'll be o.k!



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