Whilst scrolling through Facebook, I came across an opportunity to write an article about love. While thinking about love, I had floods of memories regarding my youngest who has shown me the meaning of love on many occasions. I spent days sometimes weeks missing Emily so much but I knew that Helena needed me to stay with her so I did. Then Emily turned to me and said she might get into trouble (fire doors are meant for emergencies), then darted off in the same fashion and joined in with this rather strange idea of fun.
It seemed like a gift from heaven considering I now spend most of my nights at home waiting to give pain relief to my eldest and hoping that my youngest doesn’t sleepwalk again. After Helena’s first operation, she had an outpatient’s appointment for a check-up, I knew Emily was worried that Helena would be admitted again so I brought her with us to reassure her. I hadn’t seen the girls running around together since October and it was April and I stood there, frozen to the spot, tears streaming down my face and grinning like a Cheshire cat. This small essay seemed like a good way to take my mind of things but as easy as it sounds, I found myself trying to find my own personal meaning of love.
For example, your first love or first born (positive reaction to love) first break up, first death of a loved one (negative response) Love can be happy, overwhelming, sad or heart-breaking.
Helena started with hip pain last October, after a long, hard battle with the Drs She was diagnosed with an Osteoblastoma in the L4 region of her spine (a benign tumour).


I could see my youngest was getting tired but she refused to stop and both girls carried on running in circles, laughing so much for an hour or so.
It can make you laugh or cry; it can make you want to shout out to the world or hide away from it. She was restricted to very little activity and has spent a lot of time admitted in hospitals. As we were walking out of the building, Helena pushed open the fire exit doors without hesitation and ran over to the grass. When they eventually came over I asked Emily “why did you run out if you thought it was wrong and Helena would get into trouble?” Her reply was simple and straight to the point “because I love her” I went on to ask “what if you had got into trouble?” and Emily replied “Mummy.
Is it sitting with your dad watching those boring DIY programmers because he needs you to be there? For me, it seems to have me doing all the above to the point I sometimes wonder if I have lost the plot. My dad was also admitted around the same time and my youngest repeatedly got sent to my sisters while I stayed with my eldest in hospital. I remember her vaguely looking like a dog chasing its tail as she ran round and round in circles, laughing. Have you ever tried explaining to a child that you shouted because you love them and you were scared they were going to get run over because they ran out into the road?


I’m not sure that is love; I know I would do these things for a stranger if I had the time. Remember the expression of shock and confusion on their face while you are frantically shouting and hugging them at the same time?
It is in my nature to help when I can, after all I became a volunteer for the student union to help those that need it and I can’t exactly say that I loved them. I am now 35 and if I was silly enough to run out in the road and someone responded the way I react to my children, I would think they were insane and get as far away from them as I could. They do things without question, without thinking or without worrying but because someone needs them to do it. Just like a child learns to understand that your crazy, irrational behavior is because you love them and you were scared they would get hurt.



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