James Blunt When I Find Love Again is the first single from the re-release of the album "Moon Landing" re-titled as the "Apollo Edition". After the messy divorce, the custody and support hearings, and the grieving, is it really possible to clean one’s slate and start out fresh, with a positive mindset, and open up one’s heart to someone new?
It turns out that divorced singles who successfully enter into new, serious relationships handle key issues, including money, very differently than they did in their previous marriage. In my longitudinal study of marriage, which is funded by the National Institutes of Health and has been ongoing since 1986, I followed the same 373 married couples over the years—through the early years of marriage and, for 46 percent of them, through divorce. In addition, divorced singles who consciously set about to change one significant behavior (such as quitting smoking, working fewer hours, or getting regular exercise) were not only more likely to find a new partner, but also described themselves as very happy and hopeful in their new relationships. From letting go of the past and not blaming their ex, to giving more daily attention to their new partner, the lessons learned from divorced people in my study amount to excellent marriage advice.
Yes, you can find love again, no matter how old you are or how terrible your previous marriage was. Learn more about how to have a successful second marriage and discover the marriage lessons learned from divorced people in my new book, Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship (Sourcebooks, 2012). Terri Orbuch PhD is a professor at University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and director of the longest running study of marriage and divorce in the US. See all articles from Red Hot ReadsSex & the Single Minded Woman CONTEST!
Several weeks ago my mother celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary with her second husband. At that time, my mother, then became a widow who was solely responsible for providing for my sister and myself.


About a year after my dad passed, after getting fully acclimated into her new life as a widow, my mother decided to put herself out there into the world. You see, for years my mom was so focused on taking care of my dad and us kids that she didn’t have time for herself.
But the fact that my mom has had two great guys to love her and commit to her means that there really are no boundaries and limits to love (other than those you have in your own mind).
So, if you have not met a great man to share your life with or you had but he’s no longer around, please remember this story. The key is for you to put yourself out there so that when the right guy comes along he realizes how awesome you are and he decides that he doesn’t want to let you go. Are you headed for a Happy, Healthy and Fulfilling Relationship that will last or for more frustration, sadness and heartbreak?
In fact, divorced people are especially well equipped to have a healthy and successful second marriage. When divorced men and women from my study find a new partner, I ask what they’ve done differently (or have changed) in their new relationship. You can change your attitude and unhelpful habits, untangle your biases and unrealistic expectations, reconnect with your priorities and values, and take a big step out into the dating scene.
For those of you who do not know, my father passed away from a prolonged bout with cancer back in 1981. She struggled and busted her ass to make sure that my sister and I never had to do without. In fact, it was her dedication and commitment to my dad during his illness that helped me to realize what Love really is.


She would run back and forth to the hospital, work two jobs, cook, clean, do laundry and take on all the responsibilities of both a mother and a father. But that was only because my mother was so good at not letting us see how hard she was struggling.. She did not go out into the world in pursuit of a man to take my dad’s place, but she went out to learn how to enjoy her life again. She could sit around and feel sorry for herself or she could pick herself up and put herself out into the world.
And within a few months she had a nucleus of new friends and acquaintances to help keep her mind off of her struggles.
I have been working my way out of a twenty year abusive marriage, and this is my biggest worry. For instance, almost 6 out of 10 divorced singles (57%) who are now in healthy new relationships don’t share living expenses with their partner.
I worry that all the years I spent trying to make a marriage work that was clearly not worth my time, I may have given up the opportunity to ever find real love.



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